The Prince

My accommodating hosts here bought me a book as a farewell gift. The book is a great classic, Niccolo Machiavelli's, "The Prince". I have long heard of this book, although it being a classic, I never bought it, fearing it may be too wordy, too full of prehistoric vernacular. As I flip through the book, I see that is is not. In fact, after translation, it seems to have been written yesterday.

For those of you who have never read "The Prince", here is a short synopsis. Niccolo Machiavelli was a mid-level executive about 400 years ago during the Renaissance, working for richest corporation of the time, Florence, whose CEO was Lorenzo de Medici. One day, Mr. Machiavelli did something that angered his boss, (backed the wrong side in a trade deal, lost some files, beat the boss at golf, something like that) and was sent to prison, where he shuffled paper, doomed never to take part in another business deal ever again.

But while he was in prison, he wrote "The Prince", which he sent to grumpy old Medici as a gift, with hopes of returning to the corner office on the 32nd floor. Lorenzo was so impressed with his former employee, he exercised executive amnesia and welcomed Niccolo back with a big fat bonus and a renewed contract. Machiavelli's popularity with his bosses has increased ever since.

In this magical book that rescued Niccolo Machiavelli from the paper pushing position he was regaled to was bits of information on how to properly lead. The core idea in his book was that of preserving power was of the utmost importance. To hold on to power, the leader must maintain stability in his/her kingdom. The methods outlined in the book are considered rather immoral at this time, but as Machiavelli said, "Moral principals must yield to every circumstance, especially in such cases where unethical, perhaps even inhumane practices are necessary to maintain power.

The book, being addressed to a member of Italian nobility, gives insight on how to acquire, maintain and protect a state. The methods given preach ruthlessness and hostile takeovers.

To understand such a great book, I bought a book that makes sense of it all. It was "What Would Machiavelli Do? The Ends Justify the Meanness" by Stanley Bing, one of my all time, favorite authors. Mr. Bing puts Machiavelli's teachings in a modern light. It may not exactly show us the original author's point of view, but it sure is hilarious!

This is my first book review. I strongly urge fans of classic literature to go out and buy "The Prince". If you, like me, are not the least bit interested in reading 500 year old Italian literature, why not buy Stanley Bing's work instead? Its entertaining, and it makes a great gift for Father's day!

Love Letters

My love,

I will leave you soon, and I do not know when I shall return, if ever. There is no doubt in my mind that I shall miss you. I will forever treasure our time together. Thank you for making my time here, the best 6 months of my life.

Its amazing that we met entirely by accident. It was in the lunch line, I had just decided against having chicken and as I reached over to grab something else, there you were. I stared at you unblinkingly for a moment or two. You were perfectly proportioned. Your skin was tan and smooth. You were perfect.

It took a while, but I think I have won you over, as much as you have won me over. We would meet sometimes during recess at the cafeteria. We would bump into one another at the lunch line, and I would give you a hug. Afterwards we would sit together and I would taste you. I still remember what you taste like; salty, with a hint of sweetness.

Took a while, but we were finally able to meet on dates. I remember the good times we have had at Chili's, at Chipotle's, and even just the simple times at McDonalds. These are dates I won't forget.

I don't know how I can live without you as I return home. Nothing in the world could possibly substitute the company we shared. And although we part "as friends", I will be thinking of you always. I won't forget you.

I love you. U.S. beef.

Your biggest customer,
Ken.

Floods. FLOODS! What nonsense!

A friend from back home has brought to my attention, the catastrophe that hit my beloved capitol city, Kuala Lumpur. Apparently, flash floods has struck in the heart of the country itself.

It is rather despairing for someone like me, a foreign exchange student who has been working hard to despell the notion that we Malaysians live on trees, are able to communicate with monkeys, and survive through subsistance farming, when suddenly in the middle of summer here, news arrives that the bloody CAPITOL city is flooded in waist high muddy water. I look like a fool now for saying all those nice things about home.

This miracle happened despite the SMART tunnel, the first tunnel in the world which also acts as a water channeler. The very same tunnel that cost 1.8 billion to build! As it turns out, the world's longest and biggest drainpipe is only good at flushing our money away. SMART tunnel. Pah! It should be renamed Terowong INCOMPETENT.

Am I surprised? Not really. We Malaysians were never good at engineering. The symbol of Malaysia, the twin towers, were designed by Dawid Tadeusz Mauno a Norwegian and built by the South Koreans and the Japanese. We tried to destroy and replace half a bridge at sea. Replace it, with a curved one no less! Any ordinary engineer would say, "building half a bridge is stupid," and he/she would be right.

Don't believe our hopelessness? How about this; despite owning Lotus Cars for 11 years now, Proton can't even get its electric windows to work properly. How's that for Malaysian engineering?

This is a short article. Its not funny. I'm just reporting the news.

P.S; Get your act together, city council!

Going home!

3 weeks from today, I shall be packing up my goods and establishing my new base of operations in Washington D.C. in lieu of returning to normal business back home in Malaysia. What has changed? Was the benefits, if any, worth the last two quarters I have spent in the United States? Would our main line of business have to be modified? Many questions, of which I will provide no answers. After all, the quarterly report isn't due for another 5 weeks.

One thing that did change however, is the corporate culture of this institution. The many organs have seemed to be slowing down. Is it relaxing? Is it laziness? Whatever it is, we will be packaging it as achieving enlightenment, and flog it off to the highest bidder.

How has the management changed? Despite the relocation of the main company operations to the U.S, most of management has stayed behind in Malaysia. The joint Chairpersons, (mom and dad), has resolved to allow the burgeoning corporation to be controlled purely by market trends, and the capabilities this CEO and of middle management. Nevertheless, despite several cases of abuse of the corporate spending account, (suits, lobster dinners, company plane), in the first quarter, reports indicate that corporate output will meet expectations. My admiration to the board for their oversight/foresight.

Indeed, when I said left alone, I really mean left alone. Communications between this CEO and the board back home was done through several phone calls a month. This blind faith in management is deeply appreciated.

What awaits this corporation back home? Surely the social moments shared with partner companies would be enjoyed, if not celebrated. It would be especially fun as most other corporate entities have achieved the age of 18, thus freeing them from the legislation which prohibits tobacco and alcohol. Operating expenses will surely rise as a result. (just kidding, mom!)

Not only that, but once this company gets proper approval by the government, allowing me to drive, we shall be breaking ground on the use of the company car, (a Jaguar is preferred, but I can be persuaded to accept the Honda Civic. We will talk later, dad!). Speaking of perks, a lifetime membership to the local fitness club has been awarded, making it the 3rd membership. No offence intended, but I would rather have the money.

We need to discuss my salary and the size of the expense account when I get back.

Such perks does not come without responsibilities however. With the rewarding of a car, this corporation will be solely responsible in the transportation of sister corporation to human resources improvement classes, i.e. school. The terms of the contract is accepted with the condition there is a full tank of gas provided, free of charge, any time I should require it. Perhaps the firing of non-essential staff might help, (start with dog).

I guess that's it. To all my friends here in the U.S, I say goodbye. And to my enemies here, I say good riddance. I am looking forward to seeing my family again, as well as my personal trainer, whom I hope is as inept as a goldfish doing push-ups. You will have a tough time dealing with me. Giving up is greatly appreciated.

To my friends, you will be pleased to know I have not changed much. To my enemies, I'm sorry, but I haven't changed much. I will still hunt all of you down, and run you all out of business. Hope to see you all soon!

Paper or Plastic? The Answer isn't as Obvious as you Think

Here's another thing that is bound to infuriate my Eco-nazi friends: plastic bags are infinitely better then paper bags. And here is why; paper bags cost 5 times more to produce then plastic bags. Thus economically, paper can't hold a candle to plastic.

A National Packaging Covenant Council plastic bags working group in Australia once did a study on plastic bags, (honestly, couldn't they find a better use of their time?). It concluded with 4 issues that they would like us to be concerned about:

1. Plastic bag littering, and associated indiscriminate waste disposal and consumer behaviour
2. Resource consumption issues, including reduction, reuse and recycling
3. Plastic biodegradability issues relating to littering and resource use
4. Social issues, community education and awareness, and consumer perceptions

I will now go through the list slowly, and argue all 4 points.

1. Would it be any better if plastic bags were replaced with paper? The same individuals would still litter. Animals can still be caught in paper bags. Both are eyesores, nevertheless, if you made a list of eyesores in the city, plastic bags would come quite low in the list. Once you list down graffiti, billboard advertisements, holes in the road, dirt on buildings, some lazily designed buildings itself, and the 30 year old junkers still roaming the streets spewing black smoke into the atmosphere, plastic bag littering doesn't seem like such a big problem, does it?
2. Reduction, reuse, and recycling. Reduction; the act of reducing usage of one such product. Plastic bags can be made much bigger then their paper counterparts. You can fit more stuff into plastic bags. Plastic can also be made thinner compared to paper, because of its inherent strength. Reuse; being able to use the objects more then one time. How many of us keep our old plastic bags? I have plenty, (almost a whole plastic bag's worth). Now, how many of us still keep our paper bags? Paper bags are useless when wet, and lack that longevity necessary for efficient reuse.
3. Recycling, (I know it was meant to be included in explanation 2, but this is a major thing I want to mention, deserving its own bullet point). You would think that paper bags are easier to recycle. That is not true. Paper recycling consumes almost 100 times more energy to produce then plastic. Paper bags are also less likely to be recycled then plastic ones. All in all then, pointless.
4. I admit, plastic is not biodegradable. But then again, it was never meant to be. However, paper bags in a landfill is not biodegradable either. Surprise! Trash in a landfill is compacted; compacted trash can't biodegrade well, (lack of air, moisture, sunlight). Go to a landfill, you can still find old newspapers. On another note, I thought we needed to preserve our trees? The environmentalists, (emphasis on the word "mentalists") want us to use more paper bags, but at the same time forbid us from chopping down trees? This is a time when their inner fanaticism comes out. Honestly, they are just as bad as those crazy mullahs sometimes.
5. This last point is something that I am really opposed to; social issues, community education and awareness. We are now brainwashing our kids into believing that the world is going to hell in a hand basket unless we all switch to using bikes, start running our houses on manure, and begin worrying about global warming. We are scaring our children at a time when they are most vulnerable. We cannot view environmental groups as crusaders for a cleaner tomorrow, but as any other political entity, with their own priorities, possibly distorting the truth to further their own means. Can we truly say that Greenpeace doesn't have its own lobbyists?

The usage of paper bags is just so wrong, and on so many fronts. But even that is not as ridiculous as the barefaced lies told by Eco-activists, in the name of a so-called better tomorrow.