The Fatkins Diet

It is of course that time of the year again. The holidays. A time of sleeping late, hard partying, overeating, and laziness. In that sense, much like normal college life, only it is during the rainy season.

It is then appropriate then to create a dieting program, in order to maintain whatever figure you care to keep.

Breakfast (around 2pm)
You might find the time I suggest weird. Not exactly. My theory is, if you eat only 2 square meals a day, you would effectively be cutting off 1/3rd of your daily intake of those wretched calories. Still, many have asked. (well they would have asked, but I have not posted this blog yet when I write it, but many will). Still, why breakfast, and not lunch? Well, I guess even if you wake up at 1pm, lets not let standards drop by cancelling breakfast. It is, after all, the most important meal of the day.

So, for breakfast, what is needed is something which gives you energy and is filling. Might I suggest oatmeal? It is full of fibre, and the best thing of all, it tastes horrible. The reason behind this is, if you don't like it, you would be less inclined to finish it. And if you didn't finish, read my lips, you eat less!

And that is the secret, the less you eat, the less you gain. Its that simple.

Lunch (6-8pm)
Before the many observations I have made, I would have suggested something heavy, preferably with cream, to lull the body into a relaxed state, so you can fall asleep. Its not easy falling asleep at 9pm, considering you only woke up 8 hours ago, but with proper training and dedication, I'm sure you can do it!

This method is based on the scientific principle that nobody can eat while sleeping. Not even the fattest, most capable multi-tasker can achieve that feat.

Dinner (sometime around midnight)
If you are like me, and nearing the limits of unconsciousness, you will awaken sometime around 11pm. At this time, you might be feeling peckish, and in need for something with meat in it. I would not suggest fruit, because most fruits are sweet, and sweet means sugar, and sugar means more energy, can't sleep. A leg of lamb is much better. Or a McDonald's burger. They do deliverys now you know.

Once satisfied, its off to bed again. Keep this diet for several weeks and you will see a tremendous change! Honestly!



(The writer is not liable for any unforeseen incidents related to the implementation of said diet. The Fatkins diet is meant to be used with and not as a substitute to exercise. My result in gross unhappiness, bad breath, lethargy, internal bleeding, hallusinations, lack of blood to the brain occationally resulting in thinking one is an antique grandfather clock, muscle spasms, stiffness in the toenails, and a fondness for purple shorts. Use at one's own risk)