Lets lay our cards on the table for a moment. More females read my blog then males. This strikes me as odd, chiefly because I have more male then female friends. Surely this phenomenon is caused by an underlying difference between the sexes. I shall now attempt to state those differences. Many people have tried, so one more theory won't hurt anyone. So here goes;
I think the main reason I have more female readers then male is because the female mind is more capable in reading. It is common knowledge, that men will read the first 3 words of a story and if those 3 words does not contain either kung-fu, sex or bomb, the male brain will shut down and simply will not restart until interest is restored. Usually by satellite television.
This is also why men don't stop and ask for directions. It wouldn't be of any use. Besides pulling over and humbling ourselves to ask someone who is indefinitely less intelligent then ourselves, (which is explained by the fact that person is walking, while I am nice and cool in my car), the minute we hear the first word said, our subconscious blocks out everything else and we part, no wiser then when we started. A pointless endeavor then.
I am currently in the midst of sorting out my phonebook and I made a startling discovery; most of my friends are technology aficionados, i.e; techno geeks. This is surprising because I know nothing about modern technology. The computer I am typing this on is used mainly for gaming and indeed, typing. Apparently it is powerful, but I have no way of being sure. Same goes for my camera. Same goes for my watch. The brochure tells me it has a stopwatch, a thermometer, a barometer and a compass. Since I bought it 3 years ago, I still have not been able to set the alarm for 7 in the morning. It always rings at 2.47pm, just as I am in Math class. I would turn it off, but I don't know how.
Men are all hypochondriacs too, but that's another story for another day.
April 24, 2007
April 07, 2007
How Does My Garden Grow
What is a blog to me? I see it as a habitual hobby, something to do when I have nothing better. Like say, a part-time girlfriend, (probably why I'm still single). Recently I have not written much, but then again, I have never written much. In this case, it was not laziness that kept words from reaching this page, but a new hobby of mine.
Want to know the true meaning of civilization? Its gardening, plain and simple. Think about it; mowing the lawn, focusing on getting the lines straight. Digging up earth that has been untouched or frozen by months of winter. Bringing mud to life. And once all that is done, sitting back in a lawn chair with a glass of mango juice/diet Pepsi/sherry, (drink depends on preference), admiring the sheer majesty of the whole thing. After that yelling at any child who walks on the grass. Tut tut-ing upon finding a stray cigarette butt in the earth. Attacking weeds and pests with biological weapons. No day is wasted when time has been spent in the garden.
Yup! Tending my little corner of paradise has occupied my time all this while. It was what kept me sane during the week-long spring break. I'm sorry blog, but I have a new love now.
What have I been doing? Well, first the soil has to be conditioned to be ready for planting. The small rocks must be removed, the earth must be tilled and fertilised. And as I had just found out, the ground needs to be treated to get the pH levels right, as it has a high clay content. My hopes of just digging holes and placing seeds into them whilst adding water were dashed immediately.
But I shall persevere. Did man say they should have stopped chopping down trees just because the pollution levels in the city were worsening? To the contrary, we should turn the green lungs into golf courses. They are more beautiful, they are more useful, and there is a sense of order which would help make the surrounding areas more organised. They also will benefit people, no longer just animals. To offset the danger posed by wild animals that have lost their habitats, we would use predators in the cities.
Looking back on my plot of soil, I see many weeks, if not months of work. But as I look back on what I have done these past few weeks, I feel a sense of pride.
For I have taken on the messiness of nature with nothing more then a shovel and a plan, and emerged victorious.
Want to know the true meaning of civilization? Its gardening, plain and simple. Think about it; mowing the lawn, focusing on getting the lines straight. Digging up earth that has been untouched or frozen by months of winter. Bringing mud to life. And once all that is done, sitting back in a lawn chair with a glass of mango juice/diet Pepsi/sherry, (drink depends on preference), admiring the sheer majesty of the whole thing. After that yelling at any child who walks on the grass. Tut tut-ing upon finding a stray cigarette butt in the earth. Attacking weeds and pests with biological weapons. No day is wasted when time has been spent in the garden.Yup! Tending my little corner of paradise has occupied my time all this while. It was what kept me sane during the week-long spring break. I'm sorry blog, but I have a new love now.
What have I been doing? Well, first the soil has to be conditioned to be ready for planting. The small rocks must be removed, the earth must be tilled and fertilised. And as I had just found out, the ground needs to be treated to get the pH levels right, as it has a high clay content. My hopes of just digging holes and placing seeds into them whilst adding water were dashed immediately.But I shall persevere. Did man say they should have stopped chopping down trees just because the pollution levels in the city were worsening? To the contrary, we should turn the green lungs into golf courses. They are more beautiful, they are more useful, and there is a sense of order which would help make the surrounding areas more organised. They also will benefit people, no longer just animals. To offset the danger posed by wild animals that have lost their habitats, we would use predators in the cities.
Looking back on my plot of soil, I see many weeks, if not months of work. But as I look back on what I have done these past few weeks, I feel a sense of pride.
For I have taken on the messiness of nature with nothing more then a shovel and a plan, and emerged victorious.
March 23, 2007
Love me, Love my *SPAM*
Sorry for my long leave of absence, but my computer was attacked by spam and succumbed to its injuries a few weeks ago. My baby is fixed now and it is fighting fit!
Anyway, during this constant bombardment of advertisements and links to various organizations who want to sell me things, I came to the realisation that, I can make a joke about this. Due to something known as targeted advertising, it may be a fair to make the assumption that the spam is a good indicator of what Internet users (the targeted audience of such ads), are actually like. The results of my findings are worrisome, to say the least. Internet users have many problems, physically and mentally.
Firstly, it would seem like Internet users are all wanting to travel. I am constantly bombarded by spam offering discount cruises or a free trip to the romantic destination that is Bosnia. One of these days I might just take that free trip to Sudan that I have been cleared for. We must stop to smell the flowers while we cut down the trees and all that jazz.
It would also seem that all Internet users who have left school are wanting to re-meet with their old school friends. Now I don't know how you think, but all the friends I would want to meet I either still am in contact with, or I'm plainly not interested. Does this mean I'm not normal?
Internet users are also mostly single, in search for their soul mate through matchmaking applications online. I am testament to that. I use the Internet and I am single and looking. And I am sure that they can find me a girlfriend based on comparing my credit card number with that of potential candidates. I'm sure a lot of science goes into this process.
Many Internet users also have a problem with their software, and I am talking about the softest kind of software. Yes ladies and gentlemen, it seems that Internet users all have tiny penises. At least the men do. I have never thought it would be possible to, you know..... be enlarged in some areas. Not that I should care, but I am starting to take offence. Do they know something I don't?
On the subject of health, many websites offer cholesterol killers, medicines offering to cut down cholesterol. There is also an abundance of heart medicine, as well as slimming potions. This proves that Internet users are overweight, with heart problems and afraid of exercise. I am very sure the pills in question have gone under strict and vigorous supervision and testing by the companies and the government before they are allowed to market these drugs to millions of people over the Internet.
Well, I am worried about my findings, and I think you should be too. Obviously, we as fat individuals on the Internet should get off our cushioned seats and spend more time in the gym. All this must be done before funeral companies decide to advertise over the Internet.
Anyway, during this constant bombardment of advertisements and links to various organizations who want to sell me things, I came to the realisation that, I can make a joke about this. Due to something known as targeted advertising, it may be a fair to make the assumption that the spam is a good indicator of what Internet users (the targeted audience of such ads), are actually like. The results of my findings are worrisome, to say the least. Internet users have many problems, physically and mentally.
Firstly, it would seem like Internet users are all wanting to travel. I am constantly bombarded by spam offering discount cruises or a free trip to the romantic destination that is Bosnia. One of these days I might just take that free trip to Sudan that I have been cleared for. We must stop to smell the flowers while we cut down the trees and all that jazz.
It would also seem that all Internet users who have left school are wanting to re-meet with their old school friends. Now I don't know how you think, but all the friends I would want to meet I either still am in contact with, or I'm plainly not interested. Does this mean I'm not normal?
Internet users are also mostly single, in search for their soul mate through matchmaking applications online. I am testament to that. I use the Internet and I am single and looking. And I am sure that they can find me a girlfriend based on comparing my credit card number with that of potential candidates. I'm sure a lot of science goes into this process.
Many Internet users also have a problem with their software, and I am talking about the softest kind of software. Yes ladies and gentlemen, it seems that Internet users all have tiny penises. At least the men do. I have never thought it would be possible to, you know..... be enlarged in some areas. Not that I should care, but I am starting to take offence. Do they know something I don't?
On the subject of health, many websites offer cholesterol killers, medicines offering to cut down cholesterol. There is also an abundance of heart medicine, as well as slimming potions. This proves that Internet users are overweight, with heart problems and afraid of exercise. I am very sure the pills in question have gone under strict and vigorous supervision and testing by the companies and the government before they are allowed to market these drugs to millions of people over the Internet.
Well, I am worried about my findings, and I think you should be too. Obviously, we as fat individuals on the Internet should get off our cushioned seats and spend more time in the gym. All this must be done before funeral companies decide to advertise over the Internet.
March 09, 2007
First Quarter Fiscal Budget
Its March, and that means, its nearing the end of the first fiscal quarter for 2007. A good time then, to review, and to justify spending. I did not come here with a blank check after all, so my monies has to be viewed as to ensure lasting supply, i.e; my parents will cut me off unless I make clear where the money is going.
Let's see. My first purchase was a thick winter coat, and a fashionable hoody jacket, to blend in with the rest of the student body. Oh yes, it keeps me warm too. Despite arriving here having followed the advice of the AFS packing advisor, my extremities were still freezing, proof that the world is getting colder, not warmer as the misguiding environmentalists want us to believe. Total cost; no more then $100. It may be cheap, it may be expensive, but because of the exchange rate, I'm not very certain.
Spending literally stopped after that purchase for the rest of the month of January. There were the school lunches which averages around $2.00 a day. Assuming I go to school everyday, I may have spent around $40.00 there.
Choir tuxedo, $70.00, cut down to around $30.00 because they said, I was only here for half the year. Oh and they gave me their T-shirt for free.
I did splurge during the month of February however, having a lobster dinner during a friend's birthday party. We went Dutch, so I didn't feel guilty. Word of advice; never order seafood when you are in the Midwest, unless its dipped in batter and deep fried. Went to another friend's birthday party, took him out for dinner for showing me around school on my first week. He now teaches me tennis. I'd say that steak dinner was worth it. Of course, I ordered the wrong thing, pasta with what I believe was expired cheese sauce. Although they told me it was the Jack Daniels seasoning, I don't think you should season a pasta with alcohol. Its a waste of good drink.
I did go out and buy 2 computer games that were on sale, and a brilliantly designed scientific calculator. Me being me, I had to buy the most expensive model, but it was only an additional $10.00 from the regular modal. I would have realised it was a lot of money if it were not for that darn exchange rate again.
But for the month of March, I really went all out. I had a pair of black slacks made, I bought a sports jacket for spring (I love it!). In a misguided attempt at exercise, I bought a tennis racket too. Will now go looking for shoes, except here, all sports shoes are called 'tennis shoes'. What's wrong with this country? They also have a wrong concept of football, badminton players are considered homosexual, automobile racing requires either speeding down a straight road, challenging who can change gear better, or driving around a big circle a ridiculous number of times, the only thing exciting happening is the pit change, and the number one sport in the world, REAL football, is known as a sissy sport. This coming from a country who has all the best sporting channels, ESPN, Star Sports, Fox Sports America, Madison Square Garden Network, and Versus. You turn to any of those channels and what do you see? Surely not tennis or football, but golf, or old men fishing.
No joke! I mentioned the U.S. Open to my school tennis players and they had no idea what I was on about.
Oh yes, I had my haircut. In a display of capitalism at its finest, I was charged $13.00 by someone who had undoubtedly practiced sheering sheep for the hairdo I hide under a hat today.
Hat: $3.50. Best investment I ever made.
Well, now the amount of money I have left in my account totals $1525.00. Oh how am I going to last until the end of June? Of course, drastic measures need to be taken. I have already decided to switch my lunch of the fried cardboard offered by the school for something healthier and cheaper, a bottle of cream soda, costing $1.25. I have also started to buy foodstuffs on wholesale. Did you know they sell cup noodles and chocolate bars in packs of 50 here? Me neither!
I can feel my wallet getting fatter already. Or is it just me?
Let's see. My first purchase was a thick winter coat, and a fashionable hoody jacket, to blend in with the rest of the student body. Oh yes, it keeps me warm too. Despite arriving here having followed the advice of the AFS packing advisor, my extremities were still freezing, proof that the world is getting colder, not warmer as the misguiding environmentalists want us to believe. Total cost; no more then $100. It may be cheap, it may be expensive, but because of the exchange rate, I'm not very certain.
Spending literally stopped after that purchase for the rest of the month of January. There were the school lunches which averages around $2.00 a day. Assuming I go to school everyday, I may have spent around $40.00 there.
Choir tuxedo, $70.00, cut down to around $30.00 because they said, I was only here for half the year. Oh and they gave me their T-shirt for free.
I did splurge during the month of February however, having a lobster dinner during a friend's birthday party. We went Dutch, so I didn't feel guilty. Word of advice; never order seafood when you are in the Midwest, unless its dipped in batter and deep fried. Went to another friend's birthday party, took him out for dinner for showing me around school on my first week. He now teaches me tennis. I'd say that steak dinner was worth it. Of course, I ordered the wrong thing, pasta with what I believe was expired cheese sauce. Although they told me it was the Jack Daniels seasoning, I don't think you should season a pasta with alcohol. Its a waste of good drink.
I did go out and buy 2 computer games that were on sale, and a brilliantly designed scientific calculator. Me being me, I had to buy the most expensive model, but it was only an additional $10.00 from the regular modal. I would have realised it was a lot of money if it were not for that darn exchange rate again.
But for the month of March, I really went all out. I had a pair of black slacks made, I bought a sports jacket for spring (I love it!). In a misguided attempt at exercise, I bought a tennis racket too. Will now go looking for shoes, except here, all sports shoes are called 'tennis shoes'. What's wrong with this country? They also have a wrong concept of football, badminton players are considered homosexual, automobile racing requires either speeding down a straight road, challenging who can change gear better, or driving around a big circle a ridiculous number of times, the only thing exciting happening is the pit change, and the number one sport in the world, REAL football, is known as a sissy sport. This coming from a country who has all the best sporting channels, ESPN, Star Sports, Fox Sports America, Madison Square Garden Network, and Versus. You turn to any of those channels and what do you see? Surely not tennis or football, but golf, or old men fishing.
No joke! I mentioned the U.S. Open to my school tennis players and they had no idea what I was on about.
Oh yes, I had my haircut. In a display of capitalism at its finest, I was charged $13.00 by someone who had undoubtedly practiced sheering sheep for the hairdo I hide under a hat today.
Hat: $3.50. Best investment I ever made.
Well, now the amount of money I have left in my account totals $1525.00. Oh how am I going to last until the end of June? Of course, drastic measures need to be taken. I have already decided to switch my lunch of the fried cardboard offered by the school for something healthier and cheaper, a bottle of cream soda, costing $1.25. I have also started to buy foodstuffs on wholesale. Did you know they sell cup noodles and chocolate bars in packs of 50 here? Me neither!
I can feel my wallet getting fatter already. Or is it just me?
March 07, 2007
Weekends Again
Sorry about the last post. I guess it was kinda bare, huh? Well, I think if there is nothing worth writing about, then it is better not to write anything. What to write about today? Hmmm..........
Well, if you may, allow me to talk about my weekend. I woke up at 11, and by 11.30 I had drunk seventeen cups of coffee, read and replied all my e-mails, then what? I had read all the new books I bought staying up late the last night, I consider morning TV shows to not be worth watching. Too many commercials. No sitcom can make up for the hours of subliminal messages the media plants in our minds. (I want that three-in-one potato peeler).
I got bored, so I went online to chat with a few same-minded individuals from back home, for about, 15 minutes, when of course by then, it was almost two in the morning over there. I wore a groove in the floor looking for some cookies or some sausages I had missed on my previous ten thousand excursions. I contemplated mounting an excavation of my left nostril. I even did my laundry, twice!
Against better judgement, I did try to go outside. I got the bicycle ready, my helmet adjusted, and I chose a nice light jacket. I opened the garage door, and a gust of wind almost blew me off my bike. I immediately rejected that notion when I noticed my teeth clattering. Exercise is a dumb notion anyway.
And that's the problem with boredom. Boredom makes you do stupid things. Like for example, reaching out to old acquaintances again. After about 7 seconds of conversation you will realise why you gave up communication with them in the first place. I know I did. Boredom does not drive you crazy, but it the little things you notice, because of boredom that drives you over the bend. Its the loose fibers on your sweatshirt, the bluntness of your pencils, the slight stain on the couch. Its that level on your favorite game that you know you could do better. Before you know it, its three in the morning, your eyes are bleeding, and the Playstation explodes.
And yet, there are people who say the weekends are too short. What on earth are they doing? Obviously not weekendish stuff, cause that's what I did, and I was praying for Monday to come. I feel like nothing worthwhile happens to me during the weekends. I wake up, I drink my coffee, I watch TV, I drool on the sofa.
After much contemplation I have decided to start losing weight. I grew concerned when I could not fit into two of the pants I had brought with me. So, if I want to wear them I will have to lose weight, or wear them under my butt and use my overhanging shirt tails to protect my modesty. So I have taken up tennis, going as far as buying a tennis racket. Nevertheless, the next time I post something here, I may have come back to my senses.
Till next time! Ken.
Well, if you may, allow me to talk about my weekend. I woke up at 11, and by 11.30 I had drunk seventeen cups of coffee, read and replied all my e-mails, then what? I had read all the new books I bought staying up late the last night, I consider morning TV shows to not be worth watching. Too many commercials. No sitcom can make up for the hours of subliminal messages the media plants in our minds. (I want that three-in-one potato peeler).
I got bored, so I went online to chat with a few same-minded individuals from back home, for about, 15 minutes, when of course by then, it was almost two in the morning over there. I wore a groove in the floor looking for some cookies or some sausages I had missed on my previous ten thousand excursions. I contemplated mounting an excavation of my left nostril. I even did my laundry, twice!
Against better judgement, I did try to go outside. I got the bicycle ready, my helmet adjusted, and I chose a nice light jacket. I opened the garage door, and a gust of wind almost blew me off my bike. I immediately rejected that notion when I noticed my teeth clattering. Exercise is a dumb notion anyway.
And that's the problem with boredom. Boredom makes you do stupid things. Like for example, reaching out to old acquaintances again. After about 7 seconds of conversation you will realise why you gave up communication with them in the first place. I know I did. Boredom does not drive you crazy, but it the little things you notice, because of boredom that drives you over the bend. Its the loose fibers on your sweatshirt, the bluntness of your pencils, the slight stain on the couch. Its that level on your favorite game that you know you could do better. Before you know it, its three in the morning, your eyes are bleeding, and the Playstation explodes.
And yet, there are people who say the weekends are too short. What on earth are they doing? Obviously not weekendish stuff, cause that's what I did, and I was praying for Monday to come. I feel like nothing worthwhile happens to me during the weekends. I wake up, I drink my coffee, I watch TV, I drool on the sofa.
After much contemplation I have decided to start losing weight. I grew concerned when I could not fit into two of the pants I had brought with me. So, if I want to wear them I will have to lose weight, or wear them under my butt and use my overhanging shirt tails to protect my modesty. So I have taken up tennis, going as far as buying a tennis racket. Nevertheless, the next time I post something here, I may have come back to my senses.
Till next time! Ken.
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