Floods. FLOODS! What nonsense!

A friend from back home has brought to my attention, the catastrophe that hit my beloved capitol city, Kuala Lumpur. Apparently, flash floods has struck in the heart of the country itself.

It is rather despairing for someone like me, a foreign exchange student who has been working hard to despell the notion that we Malaysians live on trees, are able to communicate with monkeys, and survive through subsistance farming, when suddenly in the middle of summer here, news arrives that the bloody CAPITOL city is flooded in waist high muddy water. I look like a fool now for saying all those nice things about home.

This miracle happened despite the SMART tunnel, the first tunnel in the world which also acts as a water channeler. The very same tunnel that cost 1.8 billion to build! As it turns out, the world's longest and biggest drainpipe is only good at flushing our money away. SMART tunnel. Pah! It should be renamed Terowong INCOMPETENT.

Am I surprised? Not really. We Malaysians were never good at engineering. The symbol of Malaysia, the twin towers, were designed by Dawid Tadeusz Mauno a Norwegian and built by the South Koreans and the Japanese. We tried to destroy and replace half a bridge at sea. Replace it, with a curved one no less! Any ordinary engineer would say, "building half a bridge is stupid," and he/she would be right.

Don't believe our hopelessness? How about this; despite owning Lotus Cars for 11 years now, Proton can't even get its electric windows to work properly. How's that for Malaysian engineering?

This is a short article. Its not funny. I'm just reporting the news.

P.S; Get your act together, city council!

Going home!

3 weeks from today, I shall be packing up my goods and establishing my new base of operations in Washington D.C. in lieu of returning to normal business back home in Malaysia. What has changed? Was the benefits, if any, worth the last two quarters I have spent in the United States? Would our main line of business have to be modified? Many questions, of which I will provide no answers. After all, the quarterly report isn't due for another 5 weeks.

One thing that did change however, is the corporate culture of this institution. The many organs have seemed to be slowing down. Is it relaxing? Is it laziness? Whatever it is, we will be packaging it as achieving enlightenment, and flog it off to the highest bidder.

How has the management changed? Despite the relocation of the main company operations to the U.S, most of management has stayed behind in Malaysia. The joint Chairpersons, (mom and dad), has resolved to allow the burgeoning corporation to be controlled purely by market trends, and the capabilities this CEO and of middle management. Nevertheless, despite several cases of abuse of the corporate spending account, (suits, lobster dinners, company plane), in the first quarter, reports indicate that corporate output will meet expectations. My admiration to the board for their oversight/foresight.

Indeed, when I said left alone, I really mean left alone. Communications between this CEO and the board back home was done through several phone calls a month. This blind faith in management is deeply appreciated.

What awaits this corporation back home? Surely the social moments shared with partner companies would be enjoyed, if not celebrated. It would be especially fun as most other corporate entities have achieved the age of 18, thus freeing them from the legislation which prohibits tobacco and alcohol. Operating expenses will surely rise as a result. (just kidding, mom!)

Not only that, but once this company gets proper approval by the government, allowing me to drive, we shall be breaking ground on the use of the company car, (a Jaguar is preferred, but I can be persuaded to accept the Honda Civic. We will talk later, dad!). Speaking of perks, a lifetime membership to the local fitness club has been awarded, making it the 3rd membership. No offence intended, but I would rather have the money.

We need to discuss my salary and the size of the expense account when I get back.

Such perks does not come without responsibilities however. With the rewarding of a car, this corporation will be solely responsible in the transportation of sister corporation to human resources improvement classes, i.e. school. The terms of the contract is accepted with the condition there is a full tank of gas provided, free of charge, any time I should require it. Perhaps the firing of non-essential staff might help, (start with dog).

I guess that's it. To all my friends here in the U.S, I say goodbye. And to my enemies here, I say good riddance. I am looking forward to seeing my family again, as well as my personal trainer, whom I hope is as inept as a goldfish doing push-ups. You will have a tough time dealing with me. Giving up is greatly appreciated.

To my friends, you will be pleased to know I have not changed much. To my enemies, I'm sorry, but I haven't changed much. I will still hunt all of you down, and run you all out of business. Hope to see you all soon!

Paper or Plastic? The Answer isn't as Obvious as you Think

Here's another thing that is bound to infuriate my Eco-nazi friends: plastic bags are infinitely better then paper bags. And here is why; paper bags cost 5 times more to produce then plastic bags. Thus economically, paper can't hold a candle to plastic.

A National Packaging Covenant Council plastic bags working group in Australia once did a study on plastic bags, (honestly, couldn't they find a better use of their time?). It concluded with 4 issues that they would like us to be concerned about:

1. Plastic bag littering, and associated indiscriminate waste disposal and consumer behaviour
2. Resource consumption issues, including reduction, reuse and recycling
3. Plastic biodegradability issues relating to littering and resource use
4. Social issues, community education and awareness, and consumer perceptions

I will now go through the list slowly, and argue all 4 points.

1. Would it be any better if plastic bags were replaced with paper? The same individuals would still litter. Animals can still be caught in paper bags. Both are eyesores, nevertheless, if you made a list of eyesores in the city, plastic bags would come quite low in the list. Once you list down graffiti, billboard advertisements, holes in the road, dirt on buildings, some lazily designed buildings itself, and the 30 year old junkers still roaming the streets spewing black smoke into the atmosphere, plastic bag littering doesn't seem like such a big problem, does it?
2. Reduction, reuse, and recycling. Reduction; the act of reducing usage of one such product. Plastic bags can be made much bigger then their paper counterparts. You can fit more stuff into plastic bags. Plastic can also be made thinner compared to paper, because of its inherent strength. Reuse; being able to use the objects more then one time. How many of us keep our old plastic bags? I have plenty, (almost a whole plastic bag's worth). Now, how many of us still keep our paper bags? Paper bags are useless when wet, and lack that longevity necessary for efficient reuse.
3. Recycling, (I know it was meant to be included in explanation 2, but this is a major thing I want to mention, deserving its own bullet point). You would think that paper bags are easier to recycle. That is not true. Paper recycling consumes almost 100 times more energy to produce then plastic. Paper bags are also less likely to be recycled then plastic ones. All in all then, pointless.
4. I admit, plastic is not biodegradable. But then again, it was never meant to be. However, paper bags in a landfill is not biodegradable either. Surprise! Trash in a landfill is compacted; compacted trash can't biodegrade well, (lack of air, moisture, sunlight). Go to a landfill, you can still find old newspapers. On another note, I thought we needed to preserve our trees? The environmentalists, (emphasis on the word "mentalists") want us to use more paper bags, but at the same time forbid us from chopping down trees? This is a time when their inner fanaticism comes out. Honestly, they are just as bad as those crazy mullahs sometimes.
5. This last point is something that I am really opposed to; social issues, community education and awareness. We are now brainwashing our kids into believing that the world is going to hell in a hand basket unless we all switch to using bikes, start running our houses on manure, and begin worrying about global warming. We are scaring our children at a time when they are most vulnerable. We cannot view environmental groups as crusaders for a cleaner tomorrow, but as any other political entity, with their own priorities, possibly distorting the truth to further their own means. Can we truly say that Greenpeace doesn't have its own lobbyists?

The usage of paper bags is just so wrong, and on so many fronts. But even that is not as ridiculous as the barefaced lies told by Eco-activists, in the name of a so-called better tomorrow.

Ten Things To Do Before I Die:

Below are the ten things I wish to do before I shuffle of my mortal coil and ascend (hopefully), to the financial capital in the sky.

1. Buy stock in WalMart
   
2. Prove that global warming does not exist.
   
3. Sell stock in WalMart.
   
4. Invent a toaster that runs on coal, (only 18 grammes of coal to make four pieces of delicious crispy toast! Don't you just love that extra carbon kick?).
   
5. Start a family, (including all the unprotected sex it involves).
   
6. Develop a cure for apathy.
   
7. Score over 150 in an online IQ test.
   
8. Create a new cocktail.
   
9. Appear on the cover of Fortune magazine.


10. Win Nodel Peace prize.

In Me, We Trust

There is a very reasonable reason for me not updating my blog. As you probably know, (and if you don't, I'm not talking to you), I am a perfectionist. This post will be my 21st post. 20 is such a nice number, divisible by 2, 4, 5, 10, and 20. Any number divisible by 10 is a perfect number. Look it up. Now you might say, "I did look it up, and it was not true." Well, that’s because you looked it up in a book. I'm a man, we don't look in books. (My library back home is actually a collection of DVDs with fake book covers) It is stated in a book that a perfect number is a number that is the sum of all of its factors. That’s nonsense. How can 28, or 8128 be a perfect number? Do they look nice? Is that number able to scare the other numbers away? Would you bring her home to momma? Of course not!

Now this over-opinionated view about numbers might be a concern for someone who sees his future in finance. And it is. But to be extraordinary, we must be different. The way I see it, there are 3 ways of doing something. There's the right way, the wrong way, and my way. My closest friends can attest to this, my way is actually the wrong way, only you get results faster. and in this fast paced world, with its fast-food drive-through lines, time is a commodity that cannot be wasted and I strongly stand by this fact. I do not waste time with boring, unimportant acts like peeing, or breakfast.

Another plus as to why I am perfect for the world of finance is my adversity towards risk. Most people have the urge to place twice their liquid net worth on a football game as a way to jazz up the weekend, but not me. My mom can attest to that. I am the most scared person you will ever meet. I am the only one in my family who has not tasted pickles. It is because I am afraid it might be sour. When all of my friends had a paintball fight, I was hiding in a bush next to the first-aid building. In this volatile world when companies can pay their CEOs $400,000 in stock options one day, and begin selling their water coolers the next, (see, Southwest and MediCor), it is important for a manager to not be overly ambitious. Since that’s the case, I'm the man for the job.

Another important trait a good manager should have is emotional stability. I have that.

Job security is also important. As of now, I have no personal fortune to speak of. That is why, it is assured, whatever position is offered to me, I will take it and stick to it, (at least until another job that offers better pay, an expence account and a company car is offered). I will take the job offered because we should always accept any job offered right out of college. We can always quit later. Nothing looks worse on a resume then nothing. (I make good coffee. Call me.)

A manager needs to be decisive. It is that reason why I am deciding to end this post now.