The Man Who Would Be Ming

Intermission

2008-10-05T21:36:00.002+08:00

Its been a while, hasn't it? Too long? Maybe. What can I say?

Life has been good, apart from the times when it wasn't. Exams have been good, apart from the times I failed. I've lost weight, then gained weight, then lost the gained weight, before gaining back the lost weight. My scale's getting worn out.

Found many links to new blogs. No links to my site, but then again, I don't really know you people, right?

Exams are coming up. They start on the 22nd of October, (hint, that's 2 days after my birthday) Guess I now have a reason not to blog. Too busy. Maybe.

I'll keep writing. There has to be lots to talk about, right?

The Charge of the Facebook 200

2008-02-22T20:00:00.003+08:00

Its been a while, I know. I'm sorry. I haven't felt up to writing lately. Why a post now? Well, there's a story behind that......

Like most of you Generation Y-sters, I recently signed up for a social networking site. Two actually, Friendster and Facebook. I had no idea joining these networking sites would unleash the Pandora's Box that it did.

Since my inception, I have received no less then 180 emails from said sites, telling me of your birthdays, friend's requests, application adverts, etc... Not exactly the "200" as I mentioned in the poem below, but close enough for the purpose I should think. Anyway, it probably might reach the 200 mark before my next post at the rate its coming in, (and at the rate I blog too).

It has rendered my gmail not completely useless, just more difficult to use. I now have to keep my eye out for possible important messages, through all the junk that has saturated my first page for the week.

I know you mean well, and maybe I'm just a little old fashioned, but really! Whatever happened to good old face-to-face interaction?

Anyway, here you go, my latest poem. Enjoy!

The Charge of the Facebook 200

Hour by hour,
Surging and flooding,
All in my Inbox,
Came the 200.
From Vincent at No.1,
To Trisha when the day is done,
All into my Inbox,
Came the 200.

Friendster gets tossed aside!
“You won’t be forgotten,” I lied.
Don’t like the adverts beside,
They are distractive:
Happily, they send me mail,
“Stop!” says I, but to no avail,
Fought my SPAM blocker tooth and nail,
Into my Inbox,
Came the 200.

Sharing their hopes and dreams,
Favorite stars on the movie screens,
I don’t know what it means!
Invites and comments and,
Responses galore:
Their’s not to pause and blink,
Their’s not to stop and think,
Their’s just to click the link!
Into my Inbox,
Came the 200.

Friendster to the right of them,
MySpace to the left of them,
Hi5 in the face of them,
Local and global.
Shouted at by family,
Bravely they let it be,
Into my Inbox,
With strength and energy,
Came the 200.

News feed to the right of them,
Photos to the left of them,
The Wall at the front of them,
Sparkled and shined:
Hassled by crappy taste,
No, I don’t wanna see your face!
Poking the human race.
Whizzing through the Internet-
Words spread in lowercase,
Harbingers of the future!
Sent the 200.

When will the mail decrease?
When shall the barrage cease?
All the world wondered.
No one can say for sure,
Sadly, they shall endure.
Irksome 200!

Food Found, Food Rejected

2008-01-30T21:23:00.000+08:00

The other day I was at an eatery so amazing, it merits a long-unawaited blog post. As you know, it has been over a month since I last posted anything, so this place must be quite astounding.

I use flowery words like "amazing" and "astounding", but that doesn't mean the place I went to, was any good. In fact, I would not recommend that place to any of my dear friends. Pretty much like the spaghetti shoppe near my college, it is an interesting concept that has ventured into the bizarre. I am referring, of course, to Paddington's House of Pancakes, to be found at the basement of the underground passage between old and new MidValley Megamall.

Oh sure laugh, but your guffaws only shows your ignorance in the matter. What could be so wrong about a shop that specialises in pancakes?

I'll start from the beginning, since it is a far more obvious choice and would make much more sense then if I were to start from the ending. There's the weird decor. Classic marble on one side, decorated with Chinese angpows and posters. Coffee-shop style wood with mirrored inlay on the other side. Red Italian leather seats that clash with the sturdy stone tables. I cannot recall the colour of the floor, but it was reminiscent of vomit, I think.

The menus arrived, after much difficulity. The waitress was positively struggling under the weight of the leather-bound food catelogues. I don't blame her. I could barely lift the menu myself. It offered a wide range of pancake-related dishes, but only found after the company profile, director's letter, etc. It would not be uncommon for someone to mistake it for an investment portfolio, or their annual company finances.

The waiter wore a large gold sign with the words, "I AM NEW" written accross it. I wonder how new do you have to be to be considered new in a restaurant that only opened a week ago. Go figure.

The food, it was good. The price, outrageous. I am never setting foot in there again.

That is of course, a friend wanted to go there, then who am I to oppose?

Christmas List

2007-12-22T19:22:00.000+08:00

"A"s for my exams; Good results will only lead to better things. It'll be a sign that I am smart enough no take it a little easier next semester. It will give me bragging rights, not to mention the things I might get from my parents who expect this kinds of things. (CAR!!)

Prunes; They are good for anemia and constipation.

A car to call my own.

Double-A batteries; No matter how many you buy, there is never enough of them is there?

The death of Sean Kingston/ or the banning of his biblically idiotic song which is popular only because he croons the words "suicidal" all the bloody time.

World peace?; I'm becoming idealistic now.

A jar of Marks and Spencer's Free Trade Marmalade (thick cut); Its good. Healthy too. Well, a marmalade sandwich is healthier then a roast leg of lamb for breakfast isn't it?

Nobel Prize for Physics; Why does potato chips always crumble into more then two pieces? I have the answer. I'm not going to publish them here in case someone steals the evidence before I can claim credit for it.

An explanation as to why a batch of transparent ballot boxes cost RM16 million. I mean if there are 219 seats representing 219 constituencies, that would mean, each voting station needs RM73000 worth of transparent boxes? Someone has made an accounting blunder somewhere. They could at least have tried to get a discount.

Happiness and prosperity to all my friends and family members. After all, where would I be if not for you lot, propping me up like that? Laughing at my lame attempts at comedy. Pretending to laugh at my lame attempts at comedy. Asking me to explain my last lame attempt at comedy.

The Fatkins Diet

2007-12-20T21:33:00.000+08:00

It is of course that time of the year again. The holidays. A time of sleeping late, hard partying, overeating, and laziness. In that sense, much like normal college life, only it is during the rainy season.

It is then appropriate then to create a dieting program, in order to maintain whatever figure you care to keep.

Breakfast (around 2pm)
You might find the time I suggest weird. Not exactly. My theory is, if you eat only 2 square meals a day, you would effectively be cutting off 1/3rd of your daily intake of those wretched calories. Still, many have asked. (well they would have asked, but I have not posted this blog yet when I write it, but many will). Still, why breakfast, and not lunch? Well, I guess even if you wake up at 1pm, lets not let standards drop by cancelling breakfast. It is, after all, the most important meal of the day.

So, for breakfast, what is needed is something which gives you energy and is filling. Might I suggest oatmeal? It is full of fibre, and the best thing of all, it tastes horrible. The reason behind this is, if you don't like it, you would be less inclined to finish it. And if you didn't finish, read my lips, you eat less!

And that is the secret, the less you eat, the less you gain. Its that simple.

Lunch (6-8pm)
Before the many observations I have made, I would have suggested something heavy, preferably with cream, to lull the body into a relaxed state, so you can fall asleep. Its not easy falling asleep at 9pm, considering you only woke up 8 hours ago, but with proper training and dedication, I'm sure you can do it!

This method is based on the scientific principle that nobody can eat while sleeping. Not even the fattest, most capable multi-tasker can achieve that feat.

Dinner (sometime around midnight)
If you are like me, and nearing the limits of unconsciousness, you will awaken sometime around 11pm. At this time, you might be feeling peckish, and in need for something with meat in it. I would not suggest fruit, because most fruits are sweet, and sweet means sugar, and sugar means more energy, can't sleep. A leg of lamb is much better. Or a McDonald's burger. They do deliverys now you know.

Once satisfied, its off to bed again. Keep this diet for several weeks and you will see a tremendous change! Honestly!

(The writer is not liable for any unforeseen incidents related to the implementation of said diet. The Fatkins diet is meant to be used with and not as a substitute to exercise. My result in gross unhappiness, bad breath, lethargy, internal bleeding, hallusinations, lack of blood to the brain occationally resulting in thinking one is an antique grandfather clock, muscle spasms, stiffness in the toenails, and a fondness for purple shorts. Use at one's own risk)

Clearing Contacts

2007-12-15T13:49:00.000+08:00

The one thing I did find to do without giving myself agita, was the clearing of my phone book. It had to be done sooner or later, perferably in a quick and business-like fashion, rather then sentimentally, shedding tears while remembering events long ago. No. It has to be like removing a bandage, quick, and in one go. Let's see.

First person to get the chop was Aaron. I believe his last name was a beverage of some sort. He was my best friend in primary school and now that I think back, he was the only other Chinese student my grade. Weird. A sullen fellow. I have not spoken to him in ages. Looks like I never will.

Andy. I think he was either that fat kid in school, or the younger brother of another friend. Either way, its not really important, is it? Bye Andy, whoever you are.

Alexander. Yes I remember this fellow. Formerly a close friend, still see him around college. But apart from a passing "hi" in the hallways, I won't be needing this number anymore. Sorry old chap.

No "B"s. Maybe B is not a common name?

Chai. Probably the same Chai as the other 2 numbers, Chai's Hse, and Chai's 2nd. Could you think of a more oriental name? Still, we're still close, and he is still invited out on VI outings so I suppose you can stay, but not all of you. Only one of you can remain. Ok, two, but that's my last offer. Gosh I'm getting sentimental. Must hurry on.

Clinic. Seems important. Fax. Since I still can't remember my fax number I guess I can't erase you either. Golden Screen Cinemas. Fine you can stay. Although there is never aline at the Gold Class ticket counter anyway. Home. I can remember you, but if I were to lose my phone, perhaps a kind soul would ring you up? Kiara Club. Not important, but its nice to keep, isn't it? Maxis. Gosh, I can't remember the last time I rang you up. Still best kept for a rainy day.

And now we are at the "M"s. My goodness there are a lot of you Mr and Mrs. I guess as a student you need to call them that, but as secondary school teachers, I don't need yo lot anymore. This is for all the homework and assignments, and for everythime you displayed my work as a bad example. Begone foul megabytes!

Gosh that felt good.

Police hotline. My dad put you on this list. Why would I want to ring you up to hear, "Untuk Bahasa Melayu, sila tekan satu. For English, press two. - To report an act of vandalism, press one. To report a case of corruption, press two." and so on. I believe dialing 999 would prompt a faster responce. You can retire. There is someone younger and faster that would do your job for a third of the digits.

Phew. Even ignoring all the current friends and moving only to inanimate contacts has worn me out. I must leave this for another day. And to think I still have to clear the dead weight from my contacts list on Windows Live Messenger.

Boredom Kills

2007-12-13T23:27:00.000+08:00

I write now only to accomplish what I had set out to do when I started this blog in the beginning of the fiscal year, to write 52 articles by the end of the 4th quarter, (one per week). I admit, posts are not exactly what you, (or anyone else for that matter) would call consistent. However, I seeing as I am near to accomplishing that target, I will push on, fueled by the burning desire to go further then I have been, to push forth into blogging achievement, (and not by the raw unbridled boredom that eats through the inside lining of my gut like a cancerous and malignant tumour).

Boredom. I now have all the time in the world, but nothing to do with it. Well, that's not true. I could always study, but lets not get into technicalities. Boredom is powerful. It makes us do crazy things, like insult a teacher, or call up people we would rather see under a bus. Or write a letter to the Star. Many ridiculous things we regret doing much later.

There is only so many cups of coffee a person can make before accepting the painful truth that there is nothing to do. The mind then wanders. We find ourselves walking around aimlessly. The little foibles that were not noticed before suddenly becomes upsetting. The flickering light. The uneven crease at the top of a curtain. That little mole on your forehead nobody notices anyway because it was blocked by your overhanging fringe.

Worse comes in the shape of wanting to repair the small bumps in the perfect world that is our life. In other words, I am talking about DIY. Thanks to that, you end up with a new starter of the bedroom celing light, a reformatting of the computer, and a bandage on the forehead. The holes in the wall of my shower from the mistaken idea that I needed a shower rack for shampoos instead of the floor, remain just that. Holes in the wall.

Reformatting the computer? Yes, I have done that. I thought I could make the computer safer by fiddling around with the Windows Firewall a bit. Needless to say, one should never delete any files if you don't know how it got there, certainly not one found in system folders.

I must think of something to do to ease the boredom. This is getting to be most unbareable.

Still, its better then going to school I suppose.

Is it possible to drive so badly the examiner won't accept your money? Yes it is.

2007-11-12T12:59:00.000+08:00

Thankfully it did not come to that. To be honest, it would never have come to that. I guess all the stories I have heard were blown completely out of proportion. Anyway, I passed.

I was one of the lucky ones, I guess. I had the company of my college friend Jason from Sociology class. I was called early, and was the first candidate for this examiner in particular, so I guess he was still in a good mood, (I pity those who went after me. Banging your examiner's head on the dashboard due to start-stop movements would not endear anyone to the rest of the day)

Everything was fine after that. Very very boring to the point I cannot be sarcastic nor witty about any of it.

10 November, Kuala Lumpur

2007-11-11T14:34:00.000+08:00

So it has come to this. A march through the streets of KL on a Saturday afternoon to demand free and fair elections, a topic well-known for its rampant gerrymandering, and its phantom voters. Most of you who read this blog are apolitical. It is of no concern to you. My friends, it is something we should be concerned about.

Gerrymandering is the act of dividing various seats up for contention in an unfair manner. Proof of gerrymandering can be found in BN’s control of about 90% of parliament despite winning only about 70% of the overall votes.

Then there are the phantom voters, who add more votes to the ruling party. If things do not change soon, there will be a historic turnout in the upcoming elections; an estimated 110% of the population will cast their votes, mostly for you-know-who.

I am comfortably middle-class, and so are most of my friends and colleagues. The status-quo is to our advantage. However it is the basic human right that there should be allowed democracy, the ability to choose one’s leaders.

The Prime Minister’s uninspired reply to the protest, (which was the only thing the local press was willing to mention regarding this gathering of 40 thousand people) was; “The people should reject street demonstrations and effect any change through (the very transparent, I know) polls.” It’s almost as if he doesn’t care. We call for free and fair elections, and he and he tells us to push off.

Yes the gathering was illegal, the police having failed to issue a warrant for the rally, but so was UMNO Youth’s gathering in front of the World Trade Centre not too long ago.

Today’s headlines should have screamed, “Police use chemicals and tear gas on peaceful protesters,” rather than what was written on the only front page that had mention of the story, “ILLEGIAL GATHERING FAILS, 4000 Police Deployed for Public Safety”.

Fortunately, foreign press are not owned by the ruling party, so out went news on Al-Jazeera, and CNN. The Al-Jazeera reporter in particular was unfortunate enough to have been hit by the tear gas, and had to be helped from the scene.

How long are we to stay silent? How long are we to do nothing and take blow after blow while the people in power enjoy the wealth we taxpayers are responsible for? (have you seen the size of Datuk Zakaria’s mansion?)

I am not the least bit embarrassed that such internal turmoil has been made known all over the world. I am however proud that the common man, who for so long has lived under the heavy hand of political oppression, has risen up and given the status-quo the finger. It’s about time too!

Ten Reasons Parties Should be Tax Deductable

2007-10-29T16:03:00.000+08:00

They help foster closer relationships between many different people; many of which have probably never met before. In line with the government stance on building inter-racial friendships, parties should be promoted, as it involves conversations, meeting new people, all in a happy environment, (unless of course, you were forced to go to the house of a friend of a family member filed with children of other parents who sit in awkward silence, waiting for mummy and daddy to get bored and take them home).
They increase the national birthrate; many a time, humans have met their life partner through parties. In a drunken state, many have fathered children too. So far, one movie, "Knocked Up", has been made about this phenomenon.
They are fun; it is my strong belief that fun should be subsidised. I mean, if the theatre and local cinema all receive large checks from the various government agencies, then why not large gatherings of drunken, hormone-charged teenagers?
Like it or not, the people who go to parties will eventually become voters. Why shouldn't the government leap at this opportunity to appeal to its key demographic?
They are expensive; Any idea what they are charging for a bottle of vino nowadays? Its enough to make you want to get drunk!
Its good for the economy. Any frequent party-goer, (myself not included), will tell you that gatherings are then best time to gain contacts, making it easier to do business. In a free economy, ease of transactions result in increased business activity. With all this money moving around, there is nowhere to go but up!
Its beneficial, much like the tax deduction on books, parties actually helps people. There is nothing worse then social alienation. Take the incident at Virginia Tech for example; outcast teen goes berserk and carnage ensues. I rest my case.
Parties tell the world what a developed nation we are. Looking back on the pictures in a review on new Russia in a magazine, the pictures of prosperity were shown as people dancing in nightclubs, and the most expensive real estate can be found in Moscow. China on the other hand, had pictures of skyscrapers, set to a backdrop of smog and other pollution and what stories about them are prevalent in the news now? Its either the lead in the foodstuffs, or bird flu.
It gives everyone a chance to have one. I think equality is very important. Who are we, as a nation, to deprive poorer people the opportunity to celebrate in grand style?
I just had one. And I feel slightly poorer now that it is done.

Driving Lesson, Part 1

2007-10-19T17:37:00.000+08:00

Hi there! This is the first installment of what would hopefully be only a five part series. To those of you who are familiar to the English language, you would probably guess its about my driving lessons. Had my first one today. Was introduced to the instrument that I will eventually be using to persuade the driving tester that I am not one to pay bribes.

The Kancil, (also known as the Daihatsu Ceria, but basically a re-badged Daihatsu Mira) was the first car to be launched by the local car company, Perodua which is shorthand for Perusahaan Otomobil Kedua Berhad (in English, Second Automobile Manufacturer Limited Corporation). With such an imaginative name for such an innovative company, you would expect the car to drive as brilliantly as the makers wanted it to. And indeed, it does handle like a mousedeer.

So, I set the time for my first class for 3pm. I figured, I could take the 2pm bus home, have enough time for a shower, before diving head first into the world of automobile commendeering. Thankfully however, my dad picked me up from school at 1, and without having to change busses, I arrived home at 1.30. Great, enough time for a shower AND lunch. And maybe a little light reading, maybe check my e-mails, stuff like that.

As a kiasu, I got ready and was on my house porch 15 minutes early. 3pm came and went. 3.10 came and went. 3.15pm, I decided to call him. "I'm on my way," he said, as if I didn't know that.

Don't you hate it when people who are late always respond with a "I'm almost there/I'm just entering the carpark/I was caught in a jam, but now I'm only 7 minutes away." Once you're late, I don't care where the heck you are. I just wanna know how much you value our friendship until you have the balls to tell me that you overslept. I could not be my Sociology teacher. I would have strangled many students before the police take me away. But I digress.

He did show up about 20 minutes late. I made a big fuss about checking the time, but he didn't notice it. Still, its probably better not to make the man angry. I entered the car and was greeted by a large toothy grin and the stale smell of tobacco. Great. A smoker. I wanna learn how to drive, not develop a bad case of emphysema.

We did most of my practice runs in the hills towards the inside of my residential area. That's fine. Barely anyone knows me there. But did my car had to stall coming out of the exact junction where my neighbour had bought his second house? "Hello uncle!" I said, sounding as if it was the most logical thing to do to stop the car in the middle of a road, attempting to restart the engine. "Having your first driving lesson?" he asked. However did you guess.

Mercifully I did get the engine started and was quickly on my way. When I say quickly, I mean speeds in excess of 20km/h. "We are really moving now!" said the instructor. I was slightly skeptical, as we were being overtaken by his cigarette smoke.

Being at the wheel of a car is an experience that is incomparable. Its is just so effortless. Push the pedals, and the car moves a bit. Push it some more, and the car goes faster. It make you want to just go a lot faster, push it into the high gear and floor it. It also encourages murderous thoughts in your head. "There goes my primary school teacher who made me do squats because my handwriting was so bad. Its a secluded area, and he has his back to me. Tempting.

2 hours of this, and 4 near misses later, he turned to me and said, "You are doing well for your first lesson. As your reward, you can drive home. What did you say? Drive from an area where I am relatively obscure, to my street where people recognise me? Where that house across the road practices badminton in the evenings? The road my neighbour takes long walks with his grandkids? Yeah. Sure.

I made it. With only 3 stalls, I managed to make it home without killing anyone. Hopefully part 2 will be better. I would love to see what this hunk of junk will do on the highway!

Getting Away From it All

2007-10-15T21:35:00.000+08:00

Through my daily stresses of college life, I need some moments of relaxation. "My Time", as some therapists put it. A little downtime, away from all the assignments, research papers, hum-drum homework, and so on. But nowadays, where can a man truly go to get away from it all?

My room? There's just too much distractions. Or is that to little? Either way, Staying in a room where I'm within an arm's reach of textbooks? In a room where my digital assignments are? Just up the road from where 3 other people from college live? I might as well be in a classroom.

I have tried Starbucks. Their hot chocolate is amazing! I like the chairs, I like the ambiance, I also enjoy the fact that their employees greet you as you walk through the door. They also ask you polite questions, about the weather and traffic, almost as if they are genuinely interested! (Although I must say, I don't recognise any of them in the many times I have been there).

There is only so much time you can spend in a coffeeshop, especially if you are alone. I mean, the toilets; they are filthy. I'm not going to bring my bag in there, even though, with no one to keep an eye out for them, I don't really have any alternative.

The gym? Don't get me started.

What I need, is a true getaway. I need a vacation. I need a place where the TV gets satellite, the beds are queen sized, and the air-conditioning, never off. I need to check into a hotel. I came upon this realisation while watching "The Sopranos", a wonderful show that doesn't involve singing at all. The main character checks into a hotel for relaxation and a nice steak via room service. Sure he was also there hiding from the police for killing someone who probably didn't deserve it, but that's beside the point.

Nowadays, if you were to say, I am going to check into a hotel for a bit, people will immediately say, "I didn't know you have a girlfriend." Whatever happened to the times when a person would just check into a bed and breakfast just to de-stress?

I have been to many hotels, some good, some average, some that just made me want to go back to school. Most of my hotel experiences are at middling rooms at 5-star hotels. Pretty safe bets. I remember the hotel in Singapore we always stayed at; the Marriott Hotel. Despite the elderly looking exterior, its not too shabby. Outside, we could see the traffic on the street and the ventilation ducts on the building across the road. But only on a clear day. With the haze, you could mistake the window for a non-functional big screen TV.

There are worse places to stay, namely the Singgahsana Hotel (Singgahsana meaning, "Stay Over There", probably the same as "Stay Somewhere Else". I certainly would have liked to). I had to attend a conference there three times, and if it were not the room with the view of the parking lot, it would be the one opposite the noisy monorail line. The television was small and had only two colours, grey and green. The latter was a shade I re-discovered, growing under the bathroom sink. The soap was small, the water slow and lukewarm, and the beds uneven and smelt of sweat. Its no wonder we all snuck out after curfew to the nearest food shop for a roti and coffee.

The Holiday Villa in Langkawi! Now there's relaxation. Grand views of the pool and of the beach past it from the balcony, excellent BBQ beef at the buffet, white sand, and the luxurious taxis waiting outside to whisk us away to a mountain somewhere for some fresh air and touristy fun. It would have been my favorite experience if it weren't for the jellyfish that stung me everytime I went into the ocean. Must have been my suntan lotion.

I need to get away soon. The room service calls for me! For now though, I'll just turn off my cellphones, turn on the air conditioning, and listen to my iPod.

I'm back

2007-10-10T20:32:00.000+08:00

I'm ashamed to say it but, I have neglected my writings so much that now, my competitors all have better blogs then I do. How did I let things detiorate this far? My products are now backloged for about a month! And in this rapidly moving business of blogging, not updating your blog for a month is like still selling cars without electric windows, or standard airbags.

I wasn't conserned at first, I always considered myself to be offering a different product then others, but then, I saw brand X. Same non-life story. None of that stupid, minute-by-minute explanations of what one ate for lunch, and who was there, and that it was raining, etc.

In business, it is very important to stay one step ahead of the pack. That means pouring money into research projects, that will increase revenues. Or perhaps a scaleback, that would improve EBITA all round. Dunno what that means, but sounding smart is just half the job.

My 18th birthday is coming up. There will not be a big celebration, just a small group of friends having lunch at my expense. To all you freeloaders I have invited, you better bring me something nice.

18 years is quite a landmark. It is of course, first and foremost, the legal drinking age in this country. That is a large milestone on the way to adulthood. But is it as big a point in life as say, my 21st birthday? That's when I will be able to exercise a little personal freedom and make my opinions known by the small act of voting.

Democracy. Nice touch, I guess.

Those gyms should come with a health and safely warning!

2007-09-13T18:59:00.000+08:00

It is possible, you know, to exercise too much. So then, in choosing which I would rather do, go to the gym 2 times in a week, or go to school for the week, I would be very happy to choose the latter. Unfortunately, one does not choose one's holidays, so its off the the gym then!

And so I did. I chose to go on a Tuesday, the very same day as the one-day-only, 3-months-old-stock-from-China, 15-people-selling-membership-cards, 2-cashiers-in-the-whole-frigging-building, Jusco Sale.

The parking lots were packed, and so was every affordable place to eat. So I went to the only shop to charge RM12 for an egg sandwich, Deli'cious, where Secret Recipe used to be, (next to the main door, with excellent views of large scaffolding. The chairs were uncomfortable, the music too loud, the sandwich tasted like it came from the Jusco Sale, and they used balsamic vinegar instead of white wine vinegar on their mushrooms! What a careless mistake!

I then went to the gym. I will not give you the details, because the mere recollection of any of my experiences in the gym is slightly traumatic for me. I came home hurting, and after a sharp glass of German white and some very nice red French wine, I went to bed.

As it turns out, you are not suppose to consume alcohol after exercise, (something to do with muscle recovery I'm told). And so, the next morning I found myself unable to lift myself off the bed. Its quite pathetic really. You think I am blowing things out of proportion as usual don't you? Well seriously, I am not. I cannot so much as stand up straight before falling down again. It really does hurt.

There is, however, one consolation. Since I cannot walk, I cannot bring myself to the gym. I suppose that counts for something.

My Computer

2007-09-11T15:49:00.000+08:00

I love my computer. Its elegant, productive and very powerful. It has a 1.3 megapixel video cam with a built-in microphone, and 14.1 inch wide screen. It is built out of magnesium alloy that amazingly feels cheap and plasticky, which is important to maintain that humility necessary in life.

More importantly my computer has never broken down, although its owner has, on occasion. For example when I found out the WiFi keeps shutting down after a while, the day after I bought the damn thing. It still does. Eventually I have created a system; I start writing on my blog. When the Internet cuts off, I go borrow my sister's computer. Its a system that has not failed me.

It also has a heating problem where all the hot air in the machine it vented out through 15 holes on the right of the computer, near where my mouse is. After prolonged usage, (oh I don't know, about 17 seconds), the air it blows out reach superheated levels, and the mere contact with the air is enough to scald your skin. That could be annoying after sometime.

There are some other issues too. The CD player only works as long as the WiFi does, so no movies then. The multi card reader has bugs in it, resulting only in it being able to read SD cards, one USB port works, although sometimes it doesn't, and the earphone jack absolutely refuses to hold the plug in place.

But enough of the horror stories. I have bought a cooling fan and reconfigured my house Internet so it is working now. I'm not always there when its on though......

At least the electirc cable is long enough. Thats what really matters, right?

Money is the New Money

2007-09-09T20:04:00.001+08:00

It would seem that in the age of growing consumerism, and the middle-class, where every Tom, Dick, or Harry is able to purchase a Louis Vuitton handbag, or a DKNY pair of sunglasses, (whatever happened to Ray-Bans?), spending money is still the best way to show the world you have money.

Everyone's getting in on the act. From teenagers who buy RM13 cups of coffee from a place that doesn't even offer a big screen TV to watch football on, to municipal governments that spend RM4,446 on a set of writing instruments, it would seem that the days of excess and overspending are back. The Rolex days returns.

Of course its easy to seem well-off when you are earning thousands of dineros a second, but what about those who earn less then RM9,450,000 a year? (DRB-Hicom's MD, Khamil Jamil, which for a company that isn't even profitable, earns rather well). How are we to make a splash in this market? Let's start with food.

Why do restaurants do well? Because people have to eat. But everyone knows its not what you eat, but where you eat that matters. That said, you should not be seen eating at the local food court. That would be very proletariat. You deserve nothing but the best! Any restaurant that offers a meat in "jus" would do. What's "jus"? I don't know! But it sure sounds foreign.

Speaking of foreign, why do you torture yourself by buying a Proton? Its known for years that their cars are very uncool. Why not trade in that Proton Satria for something more "you". A Ford Focus maybe? Or you could pull out all the stops and get yourself that hideous BMW 1-series. It may not look good, but at least you can say you own a Beemer which, as a whole, is fabulous.

Why smoke a Salem, when you could be sucking on an Avo Uvezian No. 5, Dominican Republic’s finest offering? You may not be able to smoke as much, but cigarettes are very commoner anyway. Oh, and by the way, smoking kills you.

On the subject of killing yourself, put that beer can down now! What you need is a $200,000 bottle of Moet Hennessy, only a hundred times the price of what Phua Chu Kang used to drink! It’s a bargain!

The best fashion statement is of course, a watch. We may not be able to buy that $220,000 Louis Vuitton Tambour Tourbillon gold watch. But you don’t have to! A modern Swatch would be enough. You can’t afford not to.

Since we are at that beautiful number of 220,000, that is excally the price of that new 103-inch Panasonic plasma television. You might have to knock down your front door and half a window to get it inside, but it’s worth it! It really is!

There you have it! Who needs 10 million a year to live the good life? Just give me 1 million, (which is totally reasonable), and I can have a great time!

Friends, Neighbours, Countrymen/women

2007-09-07T18:46:00.000+08:00

I suppose its time to pay homage to my friends, who have blogs of their own, (websites in your name that are only updated once every 10 years do not count, Vincent). Most friends do this by adding a list of their friends blogs at the side of their own page, but I want something less permanent. So here goes.

In alphabetical order;

My friend Ashvin (http://www.ashvindersingh.blogspot.com/). I met him at my school's prom. we were both dateless, so we hung about outside the hall and chatted. Upon finding out that we had similar interests, we exchanged phone numbers and e-mail addresses and parted ways. We kinda forgot about each other after that, until I invited him over to my place for a party. As I was in the car to the KTM station to pick him up, I was desperately hoping that our friend Chai was with him, as I had forgotten what Ashvind looked like. Thankfully he was.

This is a man whose goal in life is to be arrested by the ISA, which I have to admit, is very cool. I look forward to seeing you at my next BBQ.

Then there is my friend Chai, who has no blog, but still deserves some mention. I can't blame him for not having a blog, his language skill are somewhat lacking. Nevertheless, he is as sharp as a knife, and just as deadly, as anyone who has met him on the rugby field can attest to. He did have the audacity to call me during my advertising plan presentation in college to inform me of his opinion on why Scomi Engineering Inc jumped 20% in a day, (who would have thought it was politically linked? Not me).

He was also the guy I sat next to in high school, and whose tests I would copy. Except for English, which would be self-defeating, akin to shooting one's self in the foot.

My old friend Lisa, and when I mean old I mean OLD, (she's like, 40 minutes older then me!). We met about 7 million years ago but we never talked. Met her on the bus home from college. Now we can't shut up. Her blog address is (http://lisarsenal.blogspot.com/). No prizes for guessing her favorite football team.

My self-professed "public relations manager" Siyan, (http://www.in-a-capsule.blogspot.com/). Whose lecture eventually led to the creation of my ChatBox, leading to proof of the traffic numbers to my blog, but resulted in the subsequent decline in comment numbers. You can't win them all. See you at the next reunion.

That's it. Now you know.

Blogging

2007-09-03T10:33:00.000+08:00

With nothing to do, and nothing better to write, I suppose its time to get started on the report for the second quarter activity. It may be 2 months overdue, but then again there are others that are worse, (think of that mansion building State Chancellor, Datuk Zakaria Mohd Deros, a director of both Harvest Court Industries and Titi Steel).

In this report will be the first time this blog is listed as a business asset. If you would so kindly look to the left of this article, you would see the numbers in the archives. Posting in the first month was high, resembling most newly public companies. Much like getting a new toy, 7 posts were posted in that month. But as investor's interest waned in the following months, so did the interest of this writer. Renued interest as well as an influx of poetry brought blog activtity to an all time high of 9 in the month of July, only to have it all crashing down again with the collapse in sub-prime morgages, in August.

But do not despair! This blog is far from finished. But sad to say, this post is.

I made the cut!

2007-08-28T19:10:00.000+08:00

I was checking my email, (as people normally do), when I chanced upon my spam list. Normally, it would be packed with advertisements from that free stock price monitor I downloaded. But today, something caught my eye. It was an e-mail from the Malaysian Webmasters Directory informing me that my blog, "has been added to the Malaysian Bloggers Directory" and that a "special link has been created to enable us to track all traffic generated from your blog."

I don't know if I should be smug that my name is there with other celebrities such as Marina Mahatir, Anuar Ibrahim, and that guy who once gave a speech in my college about the lack of civil liberties in Malaysia. Or maybe I should be outraged that they are now "tracking" all the traffic to my blog.

I guessed its a government website by the car stickers on the pages saying "Celebrating 50 years of Nationhood" and "Malaysiaku Gemilang". And the fact that under the list of Malaysian Bloggers, there are links to all the ministries websites. That is a dead giveaway.

I can't help feeling a little proud to have been included in the list of a hundred-or-so blogs, even while knowing that the number will balloon to thousands and that my blog will be lost in the mess of funny names, (I am looking at you, "Belacan Times"). And perhaps the blogs on the list are there based purely on someone who refered someone else. I mean, my friend's blog is also listed.

Now when I say friend, I don't mean I like him, I don't. But maybe he added my name to the list. Who knows. But all things aside, my name is there, and I have a few things to say;

I would like to thank my parents, my biggest fans, (as if they have nothing better to do then to check my blog 17 times a day), for never mentioning the dumb things I write on it over dinner. For pestering their friends in my blog's earlier days to pay me a visit. And for paying the Internet bills.

I'd like to thank my sister, who also reads my blog, occasionally reminding my parents to do so should they forget. And also for lending me her desktop computer which I am using to type this now. And for lending me money to pay for dates.

To my friends, of course, who have never given me a word of negative criticism, and whose blogs I frequent, on the condition they visit mine first.

To my English teacher, whose name I cannot spell properly, for encouraging me when I did not deserve it, for sharpening my English when I would not stand it, and for being a good friend when I am, quite clearly, not.

And lastly, to all the people whom I have so shamefully plagiarised over the years; I could not have done it without you.

Meeting Old Friends; Part 1

2007-08-19T19:05:00.000+08:00

I was looking forward to this gathering. Seven of us, the old gang. My old mates from Victoria Institution, (I use the full name out of respect to my old high school). Ah the times we had! Our discussions about girls. Our debates about comic books. The mutual understanding that we would all emigrate at the first chance we got.

I have known these guys for years, that's why I knew, when I called for us to meet at 10am in front of MPH Bookstore, realistically, it will be 11am before one of them arrived, usually with some dumb excuse. Even worse, one of them would have boarded the wrong train and would be taking the sights at Putrajaya.

As I waited for my friends, who may or may not show, I silently cursed at myself for leaving my iPod at home. I then swore to myself that I would never leave the house without it ever again.

I have always preferred The Coffee Bean to Starbucks. The wood on the walls, on the floor, even on the furniture has always struck me as being wonderfully classy. But as I sit here sipping away at a cup of iced caramel latte (RM12 plus tax), I'm not to sure anymore.

The coffee is disappointingly disgusting. Really, it tastes as though something has died in it. The only thing stopping me from throwing it away is the fact I will no longer be able to sit here and enjoy "You Look Wonderful Tonight" being painfully murdered for the 14th time. I think back to my past experiences with this coffee chain, and I am shocked to discover, while I never waste a drop of Starbucks, I have thrown away my Coffee Bean on 3 separate times.

Make it 4. I just seen Chai coming down the escalator.

Malaysia Boh-leh!

2007-07-30T19:29:00.000+08:00

It is absolutely baffling. One looks at postcards of Malaysia and sees the airport and must think to one self, "Wow! This is a real modern country. I wonder why isn't it considered a first-world country?" Think about it. We have the gloriously tall and ingeniously named, 'Twin Towers'. Our sports facilities are also as expensive as a solid gold toilet bowl. As I mentioned earlier, our airport is also first-rate, and I know this because I have travelled and I can honestly say, there is no better airport I rather pay RM17 for a bottle of water then at KLIA. So this begs the question, What's the problem?

We are also just as civilised as any other investment banker in London, or a lawyer in Mumbai. You go for a drive and a traffic jam forces you to obey the speed limit. You go to pay at the supermarket, and the cashier scans your item 3 times before telling a runner to check the price at the shelf you got it from. Its all very civilised. So, again, what's the problem?

The problem is, we have first-rate 'stuff', but third-rate mentality. The people are the problem. Our mindsets. Kuala Lumpur would not look out of place in any other first-world country, if it were a ghost town, but because it is full of Malaysians, it is beatened as the rudest city in the world only by New York City.

Returning home after spending 6 months in another country, I am disappointed in the behaviour of my fellow Malaysians. This is almost as disappointing as finding out my new bedroom is smaller then my little sister's and that my adjoining shower only works in Morse code (hot, hot, cold, hot, cold, cold, hot, hot, hot, cold, warm).

For my less-travelled friends, you might not notice the things I notice. But let me put it to you this way; when was the last time you had a door held open for you by the person in front of you? When was the last time you received a smile and a compliment by the waitstaff at your favorite restaurant? When was the last time the toll booth operator wasn't rude to you? When was the last time the service you received at the shoe store could even be remotely considered as moderately helpful?

But do not laugh, you are just as guilty as everybody else. You litter, you spit in public, you drive with the reckless abandon of a mental patient, and you smoke in public places. I would not trust you to sit the right way on the toilet seat, and indeed, accuracy is sorely lacking in the men's room.

In accordance with my new policy of suggesting a suitable, if slightly moronic solution to any problem I bring up, here is my humble 6 step plan:

Acceptance of the problem; We must bow our heads and admit that we are not as great as we proclaim ourselves to be. Case in point, Proton, which continues to bleed money despite having a strangle hold on the local car market, and the laughing stock we call our national football team who lost 5-1 to China and 5-0 to Uzbekistan despite having sports equipment that impresses even the German soccer team.
Identify the problem; We spit, we litter, we speed, and we are proud of it. Knock it off!
Setting objectives; Why not we first try and act more politely to one another? Say please and thank you, let other drivers out of side lanes once in a while, even hold open a door or two! Lets live our life as if it were one big friendliness commercial.
Setting the plan in motion; You know what to do. Go forth and conquer! (with a smile, of course).
Postmortem; This is the time to sit back, relax, and admire the new, much better society which will lead to,.... lead to,.......

Well, that was a complete waste of time. As far as I can see, nothing good will come out of being better people anyway. Forget about the 6th plan which involves gloating and generally acting snooty to other, lesser countries. Oh well. As you were Malaysia.

Duriano; The Currency of the Future!

2007-07-24T19:41:00.000+08:00

Early one morning, Mother Earth stumbled drunkenly into her laboratory after a night of heavy partying with Father Time, and created a new species of fruit. The end result was a bulbous seed covered in a milk cream, with the stench comparable, (to the uninitiated), is best described as pig-shit, turpentine and onions, garnished with a gym sock. I am talking of course, about the durian, the king of fruits. Some election that must have been. What fruit could stand up to a thorny green ball that weighs kilos?

I am not exaggerating about the smell. It has been said, if the locals were eating the durians at Malacca Port instead of in the comfort of their homes, our country might never have been conquered.

The durian is so well known in our part of the world that, if ASEAN were to adopt an EU style single currency, I would strongly recommend the new coinage to be named "the Duriano".

Speaking about ASEAN, why don't we adopt an EU style single currency? I mean, our economies are linked through the free-trade agreements, we all, (I hope), strive for peace and stability in our region, and we all eat durians. What more excuses does one need? Most of the world's monies are made in factories in the United States. Why not combine the 10 types of coinage into one single currency we can all use? Isn't it very irritating that everytime we drive to our neighbouring countries for a spot of shopping, we need to convert our money to the currency of that country? Sure would be annoying for those living in Johore and Perlis.

Perhaps one day. Maybe when I am king.

An "Ah Beng" Story

2007-07-18T18:30:00.000+08:00

The stock market was not good for Ah Beng that day,
Thousands of ringgit, all but flushed away.
Transmile Inc faltered, oil lost its glow,
A plague had fallen, on his stock portfolio.

In times of recession, companies often fail,
Those who cheat the system, often winding up in jail.
"BAM!" Goes an explosion. Sound is heard in heaven,
The news tomorrow: Another company, Chapter 11.

Indeed the reports, they are worrying,
KLSE rising without stopping!
Rising, rising, kept on mounting,
Cashflow? Earnings? Hey, who is counting?

Uncles and aunties taking loans to buy more stock,
Who knows if the companies were built on solid rock?
Electronic companies might fail, shipping might sink,
Didn’t anyone tell these new investors to just stop and think?

They read the newspapers; people making loads on the stock market,
“Let’s buy stock too! What about GreenPacket?”
Petronas and Genting, pillars of strength and stability,
Stock price been rising through the roof since January!

Buying and selling stock like there’s no tomorrow!
No more money? Why not borrow?
“KLSE!" shouted the media, “Is the way to fame!”
“Not for me,” said Ah Beng, “To simple and too tame.”

And so, yes, YTL and IOI, he did ignore,
Looking for a small company, through all that blood and gore.
And Sunway City Bhd, he did make walk the plank,
Despite stock returns of more than 200%!

"What about the second board?" they asked,
"It seems to give value, quick and fast."
"No no no. Not for me,"
"Slow returns since 93."

"How about commodities trading?"
"We all know where copper is heading."
"Up up up! Without stopping!"
"No no no. No goods shopping."

"I know what I'll do! I'll short sell!"
"The fastest way to riches, I can tell."
"Thats the answer I concoct."
Quote the broker, "Short some stock."

It didn't quite work out. His investments failed.
"This wasn't supposed to happen!" Ah Beng wailed.
He short bad stock, doing it twice.
How did he choose them? Rolled the dice!

Somewhere out there, the sun is shining,
Weather is fine, kids are playing.
People are laughing, future not in doubt,
But not Ah Beng. His stock struck out.

My Class

2007-07-16T17:21:00.000+08:00

There are KL-ites, and foreigners in the mix,
Homework and assignments galore, all on BlackBoard6
Teenagers in their seats, feet flat on the floor,
They all fell silent, as the lecturer walked through the door.

He had on a pair of slacks, and a red bowtie,
That and a brown sports coat, with the aircon on high.
Carrying with him his books, marker pens in his pocket,
Sitting down, plugging his laptop into the socket.

Turn to page thirty-seven, he did loudly cry,
His laptop whirring, with a twinkle in his eye.
We flipped the pages quickly, till the page we did meet,
Wow! Macroeconomic Theories! Oh! How neat!

To the whiteboard he did jump, red ink pen in hand,
“Copy what I say, for I am the best in the land!”
He started writing and with haste, we did copy,
From eyes to paper, from laptop to floppy.

Moving on to the supply and demand curve,
A topic we the students less then love.
"Public good is better then merit good,"
Shouting louder then the poor man should.

He lept onto the table and beat his breast,
"This are the theories that add to life its zest!"
"Go on home," he said. "Do your research,"
"Do not be stupid. Prone to thrust and lurch."

"Bring me your assignments, don't be lazy!"
Quote the students, "That's just crazy!"
"Do not complain! This is not acceptable!"
"Study hard, this knowledge is applicable."

We did not falter, we children in blue jeans,
Some of us copy blindly, not knowing what it means.
‘Anticipated and Unanticipated Inflation’,
And the other economic blights that could cripple a nation.

He left, beaming away like Captain Kirk,
Leaving behind a stack of today's homework.
Oh how they work! They toil, they strive!
These are the students from my class of PB5.

In Limbo

2007-07-13T13:40:00.000+08:00

At McDonalds, people come and go. Groups are sitting together, in discussion. Someone is smoking outside. It all doesn’t matter; your date has not arrived.

I sit there desperately watching the streets, wondering why is she late. “I can’t understand it! I thought it was all planned days ago!” I plead, at no one in particular. You hear whispers, “She’s not coming/Look at him, no wonder he’s alone”.

Desperate, I call her home. “She just left,” says her mom, adding to the long list of possible locations my date might be. “She’s on the way/ She’s crossing the parking lot/ She’s on the bus”. All I have heard before, none of which brings me any solace, for that means she is There, as opposed to what we in college call, Here.

I wait some more. I sent her an SMS. A phone call would just be viewed as desperation at this time. No response. Lines of communication are silent. She is still Not Here.

I try to look for familiar faces in the restaurant, someone I could wait with so people won’t think I have been stood up. I find none. Inevitably, one must come to accept that she might just not be coming, and just leave. But then you would have just seemed to prove the mean-spirited people right. “Ken has no friends”. I could almost hear their thoughts.

Disappointment is not an emotion that can be felt for a long time. Soon that sense of disappointment turns into outright anger, culminating into a sort of semi-murderous rage, the kind that is felt by people when they realized their stock broker didn’t do a single unethical thing for you.

Then out of the blue, she taps me on my shoulder. “Sorry I’m late. My mom would not let me leave until I cleaned my room. Sorry.”

“Sorry” Good word. “Hey! Its all okay,” I say, my anger draining from my shoes to the ground. “It’s all under control. Can I buy you a drink?”

Stress Test

2007-07-11T18:19:00.000+08:00

As my blog so helpfully pointed out the other day, I am a college student. As college students, we are under a lot of stress, especially those smart enough to merit a scholarship, (not me). For fun, I devised a simple test to know how stressed out you are. Why not take the test, add up the points, and post me a comment informing me how you did. Here goes nothing.

In the mornings when you wake up, do you;

Jump out of bed full of energy, run to the bathroom mirror and shout, "Damn! You look good!"
Set your alarm on snooze, hitting it every 5 minutes for the next hour or so, wishing it was Saturday.
Throw your alarm clock out the window, only getting out of bed after your dad threatens to enrol you in extra classes, claiming you need it.
Slowly levitate of the bed, a cloud carrying you to your door. You open your eyes and smile. You look awake and calm.

What do you usually have for breakfast?

Scrambled eggs on toast, sausages, and orange juice with the other members of your family who have to wake up and leave the house at the same time as you.
A pre-packed sandwich in your left hand, a cup of lukewarm Milo in your armpit, and your unfinished assignment on your lap.
What's breakfast?
The fog is your substance and the mist is your drink. You absorb it in your mouth as you exit your house.

Most of your classes are;

Right next to one another.You find the time to walk to your classes and spend quality time with that girl from Germany you have been eyeing since orientation day.
In different buildings, often in different campuses. As you cross the road, many a times you are almost run over by a dump truck driven by someone who thinks he is a race driver.
You are unsure you have classes, and if you do, you haven't the faintest idea where it is.
You blink and there you are in that perfect seat each class has, the one not directly in the line of the air conditioning, in the middle of a group of your friends, in an inconspicuous place where the teacher would not look to for answers to the questions on the board.

You see your friends;

Everyday before entering class. You discuss sports, the other students of opposite gender, and the squat toilets. They help you catch up on your missed work, and your assignments.
Once a week, usually on weekends or at work, while you are scrubbing dishes.
Everyday. You meet at the cyber cafe and try to beat each other's high score at various alien-killing games. You know you can rely on them if you ever get into trouble, maybe.
Whenever you close your eyes. They are there when you want them to be, gone when you don't want them around. They look up to you as their inspiration and you in turn are nice to them.

Your teachers;

Are fantastic! Especially that young math professor. Everyone else are very helpful, motivated, and talented. You love them!
Seem to give you too much homework, and laugh at you when you forget to add the plus/minus sign on your root of a square answer. You dislike them, but you respect them and are in awe of their power.
Are all stupid, lazy and very misunderstanding. What do you mean I can't wear a hat in class? Its a free country!
They are a blessing.

Your homework;

Is just the right amount, at just the right difficulty. It is enough to make you learn something, but not enough to make you bored of the subject.
Is just too much! You are sometimes forced to skip dinner just to make sure you finish that assignment on time. You run through 6 pens a week.
Is left untouched. After all, isn't it the finals that really matter? Its college! Lets have fun!
Usually involves going to art galleries, museums, and going to classical music concerts. You sometimes have written work, but a small group of elves do it for you as you sleep.

Okay. Count up your score. Award yourself 2 points for every A answer, 5 points for every B answer, 10 points for every C answer, and 30 points for every 4 answer.

If you score above 90, seek help. Fast!

For those who scored above 40, I pity you. You are so misunderstood. For those who scored above 20, you have just the right amount of stress. You are a well balanced person. And for anyone who scored below 20, I have just one question for you;

Are you a kindergartner?

I Miss You!

2007-07-09T19:51:00.000+08:00

Hi. My name is wongkenming.blogspot.com. You probably know me, I'm the one you see every time you read this page. I'm the one you are reading now. Haha. I'm a nice enough guy, with many interests, most superficial. Who cares? I don't usually surf the Interweb. I enjoy chatting. I receive mail and comments, and sometimes answer them. I admit, I'm not as cool as others. I don't have nice pictures to show you, nor music to listen to while you read. I haven't really put much effort into myself. I don't understand HTML. Call me dumb, but when it comes to blogs, I am as good as any and no worse then most. I don't deserve what has happened to me.

HELP! LET ME OUT!

Sorry. I promised myself I would not get emotional. The thing is, my owner, Ken has been neglecting me more and more recently. Although he says its because of the heavy workload at college, I'd wish we would spend more time together, just like the old days. I have been very patient with him, not asking for nice pictures, or music, or links to my friends. After some insistence, he did add a chatbox, so now my friends can leave me messages when I'm asleep maybe. But don't I deserve it?

It was so different when he created me in January. It was easy then. I guess it was thanks to my friend, huiwen7.blogspot.com that I met the guy who would eventually use me as a device for sharing his silly, sometimes downright moronic ideas. We used to meet everyday, and we would discuss matters like life itself. Well, he did do most of the talking, but he is an interesting enough person to listen to.

Where was I? Oh yes. Then Ken joined, and I was born. I sorta don't like the length of my name, but then again, who chooses their name, huh? At the beginning we had a lot of fun. Blog hopping was cool, the modem was nice and warm, and I got a lot of attention from everyone. But then Ken became more interested in reading other people's blogs rather then write for his own. Blogs like http://in-a-capsule.blogspot.com/, and monkeyswithtartarsause.blogspot.com. To hell with that! They have every right to be there.

Its sort of sad, really. We belong together. there are comments I am keeping in the fridge, ready to be made warm and tasty for him. And yet, we barely meet.

On the bright side, he does not let me quit. Even after what seems to be decades of loneliness, he still will not delete me, nor any of his previous entries. In some weird and possibly cosmic way, we are still together. I do daydream about the good times we shared while I rot away here in cyberspace hell.

Save your pity, for there are thousands more like me. Just like my old friend, vinceakadante.blogspot.com. Pity those who are lured with its free and easy sign-up. There is still space for them here, but what about when the infrastructure on this website reaches a limit? It will be too cramped in here, in addition to my being alone.

Please Ken! Come back!

Working Out

2007-07-06T16:50:00.000+08:00

Well, I finally went to the gym today. I seen all of the brochures, seen the advertisements, and watched the movies so I think I know everything. Undoubtedly, someone like me will get disappointed. The first disappointment comes when you find out there is only one personal trainer. The second hits you when you realise its a guy.

Well, today we took it easy. just some light jogging. I requested we take it easy because, god help me, there will be nothing to stop me from walking out if the going gets tough. Or moderately challenging. Or slightly irritating. Lets put it this way. If there is an irritating fly buzzing around the TV screen, I'm gone. All said and done, I rather be sitting then standing.

At the gym you see different people. While most people are truly fit, (I hate you guys), there are some who are there bullshitting themselves that they are getting thinner, when just after working out, they go for a nasi dagang with the works.

What is bullshit? Bullshit is something that is not true, but you wish is true. that said, bullshit is hope. Hopefully I will talk more about this in future posts, and that's no bullshit.

But what about those who are genuinely fit? Those with more muscles then actually needed? what are they doing there? Making me look bad, that's what they are doing. seriously, one you have that muscle that runs from behind your ear to the bottom of your neck, you're done. What are you still doing here? Why not go enjoy a steak or something.

Still, I am going back tomorrow, to start the training for real. Who would have guessed that I would be actually exercising!

God help me.

Bus Ride of Hell

2007-07-05T20:08:00.000+08:00

Wow. Its been 3 weeks since I last posted anything. Many things have happened to me this week. My flight touched down on Sunday, went to college for the first time on Monday, sat on a bus for the first time on Wednesday, missed the bus on Thursday.

Speaking of the bus ride, did I mention it was my first time ever? For someone accustomed to being driven everywhere, 4 star-hotels, and business class lounges, taking public transportation can be a very daunting task. so I got on this steel coffin with wheels. We had to switch buses twice, one driver passing us on to another. I felt more passed on then a syringe in a drug addict's conference.

The worse part was when the bus driver decided to drag race another bus. As I said, I never rode in a bus before, but this struck me as slightly unorthodox. the bus did 0 to 60 in a mere 11 seconds. should I be proud that my bus won?

I could view this bus ride as an adventure. After all, I am all for positive thinking. The joy of travelling to places unknown, meeting new people, all in something I have never been in. But, just like I could get a vasectomy, I am not going to. As far as I am concerned, there is no worse way of travelling then on a bus. I sympathise with those who use this barbaric form of transportation.

Because I am now one of you. Oh how the mighty have fallen!

The Prince

2007-06-19T06:30:00.000+08:00

My accommodating hosts here bought me a book as a farewell gift. The book is a great classic, Niccolo Machiavelli's, "The Prince". I have long heard of this book, although it being a classic, I never bought it, fearing it may be too wordy, too full of prehistoric vernacular. As I flip through the book, I see that is is not. In fact, after translation, it seems to have been written yesterday.

For those of you who have never read "The Prince", here is a short synopsis. Niccolo Machiavelli was a mid-level executive about 400 years ago during the Renaissance, working for richest corporation of the time, Florence, whose CEO was Lorenzo de Medici. One day, Mr. Machiavelli did something that angered his boss, (backed the wrong side in a trade deal, lost some files, beat the boss at golf, something like that) and was sent to prison, where he shuffled paper, doomed never to take part in another business deal ever again.

But while he was in prison, he wrote "The Prince", which he sent to grumpy old Medici as a gift, with hopes of returning to the corner office on the 32nd floor. Lorenzo was so impressed with his former employee, he exercised executive amnesia and welcomed Niccolo back with a big fat bonus and a renewed contract. Machiavelli's popularity with his bosses has increased ever since.

In this magical book that rescued Niccolo Machiavelli from the paper pushing position he was regaled to was bits of information on how to properly lead. The core idea in his book was that of preserving power was of the utmost importance. To hold on to power, the leader must maintain stability in his/her kingdom. The methods outlined in the book are considered rather immoral at this time, but as Machiavelli said, "Moral principals must yield to every circumstance, especially in such cases where unethical, perhaps even inhumane practices are necessary to maintain power.

The book, being addressed to a member of Italian nobility, gives insight on how to acquire, maintain and protect a state. The methods given preach ruthlessness and hostile takeovers.

To understand such a great book, I bought a book that makes sense of it all. It was "What Would Machiavelli Do? The Ends Justify the Meanness" by Stanley Bing, one of my all time, favorite authors. Mr. Bing puts Machiavelli's teachings in a modern light. It may not exactly show us the original author's point of view, but it sure is hilarious!

This is my first book review. I strongly urge fans of classic literature to go out and buy "The Prince". If you, like me, are not the least bit interested in reading 500 year old Italian literature, why not buy Stanley Bing's work instead? Its entertaining, and it makes a great gift for Father's day!

Love Letters

2007-06-17T10:08:00.000+08:00

My love,

I will leave you soon, and I do not know when I shall return, if ever. There is no doubt in my mind that I shall miss you. I will forever treasure our time together. Thank you for making my time here, the best 6 months of my life.

Its amazing that we met entirely by accident. It was in the lunch line, I had just decided against having chicken and as I reached over to grab something else, there you were. I stared at you unblinkingly for a moment or two. You were perfectly proportioned. Your skin was tan and smooth. You were perfect.

It took a while, but I think I have won you over, as much as you have won me over. We would meet sometimes during recess at the cafeteria. We would bump into one another at the lunch line, and I would give you a hug. Afterwards we would sit together and I would taste you. I still remember what you taste like; salty, with a hint of sweetness.

Took a while, but we were finally able to meet on dates. I remember the good times we have had at Chili's, at Chipotle's, and even just the simple times at McDonalds. These are dates I won't forget.

I don't know how I can live without you as I return home. Nothing in the world could possibly substitute the company we shared. And although we part "as friends", I will be thinking of you always. I won't forget you.

I love you. U.S. beef.

Your biggest customer,
Ken.

Floods. FLOODS! What nonsense!

2007-06-13T06:57:00.000+08:00

A friend from back home has brought to my attention, the catastrophe that hit my beloved capitol city, Kuala Lumpur. Apparently, flash floods has struck in the heart of the country itself.

It is rather despairing for someone like me, a foreign exchange student who has been working hard to despell the notion that we Malaysians live on trees, are able to communicate with monkeys, and survive through subsistance farming, when suddenly in the middle of summer here, news arrives that the bloody CAPITOL city is flooded in waist high muddy water. I look like a fool now for saying all those nice things about home.

This miracle happened despite the SMART tunnel, the first tunnel in the world which also acts as a water channeler. The very same tunnel that cost 1.8 billion to build! As it turns out, the world's longest and biggest drainpipe is only good at flushing our money away. SMART tunnel. Pah! It should be renamed Terowong INCOMPETENT.

Am I surprised? Not really. We Malaysians were never good at engineering. The symbol of Malaysia, the twin towers, were designed by Dawid Tadeusz Mauno a Norwegian and built by the South Koreans and the Japanese. We tried to destroy and replace half a bridge at sea. Replace it, with a curved one no less! Any ordinary engineer would say, "building half a bridge is stupid," and he/she would be right.

Don't believe our hopelessness? How about this; despite owning Lotus Cars for 11 years now, Proton can't even get its electric windows to work properly. How's that for Malaysian engineering?

This is a short article. Its not funny. I'm just reporting the news.

P.S; Get your act together, city council!

Going home!

2007-06-11T01:06:00.000+08:00

3 weeks from today, I shall be packing up my goods and establishing my new base of operations in Washington D.C. in lieu of returning to normal business back home in Malaysia. What has changed? Was the benefits, if any, worth the last two quarters I have spent in the United States? Would our main line of business have to be modified? Many questions, of which I will provide no answers. After all, the quarterly report isn't due for another 5 weeks.

One thing that did change however, is the corporate culture of this institution. The many organs have seemed to be slowing down. Is it relaxing? Is it laziness? Whatever it is, we will be packaging it as achieving enlightenment, and flog it off to the highest bidder.

How has the management changed? Despite the relocation of the main company operations to the U.S, most of management has stayed behind in Malaysia. The joint Chairpersons, (mom and dad), has resolved to allow the burgeoning corporation to be controlled purely by market trends, and the capabilities this CEO and of middle management. Nevertheless, despite several cases of abuse of the corporate spending account, (suits, lobster dinners, company plane), in the first quarter, reports indicate that corporate output will meet expectations. My admiration to the board for their oversight/foresight.

Indeed, when I said left alone, I really mean left alone. Communications between this CEO and the board back home was done through several phone calls a month. This blind faith in management is deeply appreciated.

What awaits this corporation back home? Surely the social moments shared with partner companies would be enjoyed, if not celebrated. It would be especially fun as most other corporate entities have achieved the age of 18, thus freeing them from the legislation which prohibits tobacco and alcohol. Operating expenses will surely rise as a result. (just kidding, mom!)

Not only that, but once this company gets proper approval by the government, allowing me to drive, we shall be breaking ground on the use of the company car, (a Jaguar is preferred, but I can be persuaded to accept the Honda Civic. We will talk later, dad!). Speaking of perks, a lifetime membership to the local fitness club has been awarded, making it the 3rd membership. No offence intended, but I would rather have the money.

We need to discuss my salary and the size of the expense account when I get back.

Such perks does not come without responsibilities however. With the rewarding of a car, this corporation will be solely responsible in the transportation of sister corporation to human resources improvement classes, i.e. school. The terms of the contract is accepted with the condition there is a full tank of gas provided, free of charge, any time I should require it. Perhaps the firing of non-essential staff might help, (start with dog).

I guess that's it. To all my friends here in the U.S, I say goodbye. And to my enemies here, I say good riddance. I am looking forward to seeing my family again, as well as my personal trainer, whom I hope is as inept as a goldfish doing push-ups. You will have a tough time dealing with me. Giving up is greatly appreciated.

To my friends, you will be pleased to know I have not changed much. To my enemies, I'm sorry, but I haven't changed much. I will still hunt all of you down, and run you all out of business. Hope to see you all soon!

Paper or Plastic? The Answer isn't as Obvious as you Think

2007-06-05T01:49:00.000+08:00

Here's another thing that is bound to infuriate my Eco-nazi friends: plastic bags are infinitely better then paper bags. And here is why; paper bags cost 5 times more to produce then plastic bags. Thus economically, paper can't hold a candle to plastic.

A National Packaging Covenant Council plastic bags working group in Australia once did a study on plastic bags, (honestly, couldn't they find a better use of their time?). It concluded with 4 issues that they would like us to be concerned about:

Plastic bag littering, and associated indiscriminate waste disposal and consumer behaviour
Resource consumption issues, including reduction, reuse and recycling
Plastic biodegradability issues relating to littering and resource use
Social issues, community education and awareness, and consumer perceptions

I will now go through the list slowly, and argue all 4 points.

Would it be any better if plastic bags were replaced with paper? The same individuals would still litter. Animals can still be caught in paper bags. Both are eyesores, nevertheless, if you made a list of eyesores in the city, plastic bags would come quite low in the list. Once you list down graffiti, billboard advertisements, holes in the road, dirt on buildings, some lazily designed buildings itself, and the 30 year old junkers still roaming the streets spewing black smoke into the atmosphere, plastic bag littering doesn't seem like such a big problem, does it?
Reduction, reuse, and recycling. Reduction; the act of reducing usage of one such product. Plastic bags can be made much bigger then their paper counterparts. You can fit more stuff into plastic bags. Plastic can also be made thinner compared to paper, because of its inherent strength. Reuse; being able to use the objects more then one time. How many of us keep our old plastic bags? I have plenty, (almost a whole plastic bag's worth). Now, how many of us still keep our paper bags? Paper bags are useless when wet, and lack that longevity necessary for efficient reuse.
Recycling, (I know it was meant to be included in explanation 2, but this is a major thing I want to mention, deserving its own bullet point). You would think that paper bags are easier to recycle. That is not true. Paper recycling consumes almost 100 times more energy to produce then plastic. Paper bags are also less likely to be recycled then plastic ones. All in all then, pointless.
I admit, plastic is not biodegradable. But then again, it was never meant to be. However, paper bags in a landfill is not biodegradable either. Surprise! Trash in a landfill is compacted; compacted trash can't biodegrade well, (lack of air, moisture, sunlight). Go to a landfill, you can still find old newspapers. On another note, I thought we needed to preserve our trees? The environmentalists, (emphasis on the word "mentalists") want us to use more paper bags, but at the same time forbid us from chopping down trees? This is a time when their inner fanaticism comes out. Honestly, they are just as bad as those crazy mullahs sometimes.
This last point is something that I am really opposed to; social issues, community education and awareness. We are now brainwashing our kids into believing that the world is going to hell in a hand basket unless we all switch to using bikes, start running our houses on manure, and begin worrying about global warming. We are scaring our children at a time when they are most vulnerable. We cannot view environmental groups as crusaders for a cleaner tomorrow, but as any other political entity, with their own priorities, possibly distorting the truth to further their own means. Can we truly say that Greenpeace doesn't have its own lobbyists?

The usage of paper bags is just so wrong, and on so many fronts. But even that is not as ridiculous as the barefaced lies told by Eco-activists, in the name of a so-called better tomorrow.

Ten Things To Do Before I Die:

2007-05-25T13:55:00.000+08:00

Below are the ten things I wish to do before I shuffle of my mortal coil and ascend (hopefully), to the financial capital in the sky.

Buy stock in WalMart
Prove that global warming does not exist.
Sell stock in WalMart.
Invent a toaster that runs on coal, (only 18 grammes of coal to make four pieces of delicious crispy toast! Don't you just love that extra carbon kick?).
Start a family, (including all the unprotected sex it involves).
Develop a cure for apathy.
Score over 150 in an online IQ test.
Create a new cocktail.
Appear on the cover of Fortune magazine.

Win Nodel Peace prize.

In Me, We Trust

2007-05-23T13:25:00.000+08:00

There is a very reasonable reason for me not updating my blog. As you probably know, (and if you don't, I'm not talking to you), I am a perfectionist. This post will be my 21st post. 20 is such a nice number, divisible by 2, 4, 5, 10, and 20. Any number divisible by 10 is a perfect number. Look it up. Now you might say, "I did look it up, and it was not true." Well, that’s because you looked it up in a book. I'm a man, we don't look in books. (My library back home is actually a collection of DVDs with fake book covers) It is stated in a book that a perfect number is a number that is the sum of all of its factors. That’s nonsense. How can 28, or 8128 be a perfect number? Do they look nice? Is that number able to scare the other numbers away? Would you bring her home to momma? Of course not!

Now this over-opinionated view about numbers might be a concern for someone who sees his future in finance. And it is. But to be extraordinary, we must be different. The way I see it, there are 3 ways of doing something. There's the right way, the wrong way, and my way. My closest friends can attest to this, my way is actually the wrong way, only you get results faster. and in this fast paced world, with its fast-food drive-through lines, time is a commodity that cannot be wasted and I strongly stand by this fact. I do not waste time with boring, unimportant acts like peeing, or breakfast.

Another plus as to why I am perfect for the world of finance is my adversity towards risk. Most people have the urge to place twice their liquid net worth on a football game as a way to jazz up the weekend, but not me. My mom can attest to that. I am the most scared person you will ever meet. I am the only one in my family who has not tasted pickles. It is because I am afraid it might be sour. When all of my friends had a paintball fight, I was hiding in a bush next to the first-aid building. In this volatile world when companies can pay their CEOs $400,000 in stock options one day, and begin selling their water coolers the next, (see, Southwest and MediCor), it is important for a manager to not be overly ambitious. Since that’s the case, I'm the man for the job.

Another important trait a good manager should have is emotional stability. I have that.

Job security is also important. As of now, I have no personal fortune to speak of. That is why, it is assured, whatever position is offered to me, I will take it and stick to it, (at least until another job that offers better pay, an expence account and a company car is offered). I will take the job offered because we should always accept any job offered right out of college. We can always quit later. Nothing looks worse on a resume then nothing. (I make good coffee. Call me.)

A manager needs to be decisive. It is that reason why I am deciding to end this post now.

Men vs Women, part 1

2007-04-24T07:53:00.000+08:00

Lets lay our cards on the table for a moment. More females read my blog then males. This strikes me as odd, chiefly because I have more male then female friends. Surely this phenomenon is caused by an underlying difference between the sexes. I shall now attempt to state those differences. Many people have tried, so one more theory won't hurt anyone. So here goes;

I think the main reason I have more female readers then male is because the female mind is more capable in reading. It is common knowledge, that men will read the first 3 words of a story and if those 3 words does not contain either kung-fu, sex or bomb, the male brain will shut down and simply will not restart until interest is restored. Usually by satellite television.

This is also why men don't stop and ask for directions. It wouldn't be of any use. Besides pulling over and humbling ourselves to ask someone who is indefinitely less intelligent then ourselves, (which is explained by the fact that person is walking, while I am nice and cool in my car), the minute we hear the first word said, our subconscious blocks out everything else and we part, no wiser then when we started. A pointless endeavor then.

I am currently in the midst of sorting out my phonebook and I made a startling discovery; most of my friends are technology aficionados, i.e; techno geeks. This is surprising because I know nothing about modern technology. The computer I am typing this on is used mainly for gaming and indeed, typing. Apparently it is powerful, but I have no way of being sure. Same goes for my camera. Same goes for my watch. The brochure tells me it has a stopwatch, a thermometer, a barometer and a compass. Since I bought it 3 years ago, I still have not been able to set the alarm for 7 in the morning. It always rings at 2.47pm, just as I am in Math class. I would turn it off, but I don't know how.

Men are all hypochondriacs too, but that's another story for another day.

How Does My Garden Grow

2007-04-07T13:22:00.000+08:00

What is a blog to me? I see it as a habitual hobby, something to do when I have nothing better. Like say, a part-time girlfriend, (probably why I'm still single). Recently I have not written much, but then again, I have never written much. In this case, it was not laziness that kept words from reaching this page, but a new hobby of mine.

Want to know the true meaning of civilization? Its gardening, plain and simple. Think about it; mowing the lawn, focusing on getting the lines straight. Digging up earth that has been untouched or frozen by months of winter. Bringing mud to life. And once all that is done, sitting back in a lawn chair with a glass of mango juice/diet Pepsi/sherry, (drink depends on preference), admiring the sheer majesty of the whole thing. After that yelling at any child who walks on the grass. Tut tut-ing upon finding a stray cigarette butt in the earth. Attacking weeds and pests with biological weapons. No day is wasted when time has been spent in the garden.

Yup! Tending my little corner of paradise has occupied my time all this while. It was what kept me sane during the week-long spring break. I'm sorry blog, but I have a new love now.

What have I been doing? Well, first the soil has to be conditioned to be ready for planting. The small rocks must be removed, the earth must be tilled and fertilised. And as I had just found out, the ground needs to be treated to get the pH levels right, as it has a high clay content. My hopes of just digging holes and placing seeds into them whilst adding water were dashed immediately.

But I shall persevere. Did man say they should have stopped chopping down trees just because the pollution levels in the city were worsening? To the contrary, we should turn the green lungs into golf courses. They are more beautiful, they are more useful, and there is a sense of order which would help make the surrounding areas more organised. They also will benefit people, no longer just animals. To offset the danger posed by wild animals that have lost their habitats, we would use predators in the cities.

Looking back on my plot of soil, I see many weeks, if not months of work. But as I look back on what I have done these past few weeks, I feel a sense of pride.

For I have taken on the messiness of nature with nothing more then a shovel and a plan, and emerged victorious.

Love me, Love my SPAM

2007-03-23T06:59:00.000+08:00

Sorry for my long leave of absence, but my computer was attacked by spam and succumbed to its injuries a few weeks ago. My baby is fixed now and it is fighting fit!

Anyway, during this constant bombardment of advertisements and links to various organizations who want to sell me things, I came to the realisation that, I can make a joke about this. Due to something known as targeted advertising, it may be a fair to make the assumption that the spam is a good indicator of what Internet users (the targeted audience of such ads), are actually like. The results of my findings are worrisome, to say the least. Internet users have many problems, physically and mentally.

Firstly, it would seem like Internet users are all wanting to travel. I am constantly bombarded by spam offering discount cruises or a free trip to the romantic destination that is Bosnia. One of these days I might just take that free trip to Sudan that I have been cleared for. We must stop to smell the flowers while we cut down the trees and all that jazz.

It would also seem that all Internet users who have left school are wanting to re-meet with their old school friends. Now I don't know how you think, but all the friends I would want to meet I either still am in contact with, or I'm plainly not interested. Does this mean I'm not normal?

Internet users are also mostly single, in search for their soul mate through matchmaking applications online. I am testament to that. I use the Internet and I am single and looking. And I am sure that they can find me a girlfriend based on comparing my credit card number with that of potential candidates. I'm sure a lot of science goes into this process.

Many Internet users also have a problem with their software, and I am talking about the softest kind of software. Yes ladies and gentlemen, it seems that Internet users all have tiny penises. At least the men do. I have never thought it would be possible to, you know..... be enlarged in some areas. Not that I should care, but I am starting to take offence. Do they know something I don't?

On the subject of health, many websites offer cholesterol killers, medicines offering to cut down cholesterol. There is also an abundance of heart medicine, as well as slimming potions. This proves that Internet users are overweight, with heart problems and afraid of exercise. I am very sure the pills in question have gone under strict and vigorous supervision and testing by the companies and the government before they are allowed to market these drugs to millions of people over the Internet.

Well, I am worried about my findings, and I think you should be too. Obviously, we as fat individuals on the Internet should get off our cushioned seats and spend more time in the gym. All this must be done before funeral companies decide to advertise over the Internet.

First Quarter Fiscal Budget

2007-03-09T05:48:00.000+08:00

Its March, and that means, its nearing the end of the first fiscal quarter for 2007. A good time then, to review, and to justify spending. I did not come here with a blank check after all, so my monies has to be viewed as to ensure lasting supply, i.e; my parents will cut me off unless I make clear where the money is going.

Let's see. My first purchase was a thick winter coat, and a fashionable hoody jacket, to blend in with the rest of the student body. Oh yes, it keeps me warm too. Despite arriving here having followed the advice of the AFS packing advisor, my extremities were still freezing, proof that the world is getting colder, not warmer as the misguiding environmentalists want us to believe. Total cost; no more then $100. It may be cheap, it may be expensive, but because of the exchange rate, I'm not very certain.

Spending literally stopped after that purchase for the rest of the month of January. There were the school lunches which averages around $2.00 a day. Assuming I go to school everyday, I may have spent around $40.00 there.

Choir tuxedo, $70.00, cut down to around $30.00 because they said, I was only here for half the year. Oh and they gave me their T-shirt for free.

I did splurge during the month of February however, having a lobster dinner during a friend's birthday party. We went Dutch, so I didn't feel guilty. Word of advice; never order seafood when you are in the Midwest, unless its dipped in batter and deep fried. Went to another friend's birthday party, took him out for dinner for showing me around school on my first week. He now teaches me tennis. I'd say that steak dinner was worth it. Of course, I ordered the wrong thing, pasta with what I believe was expired cheese sauce. Although they told me it was the Jack Daniels seasoning, I don't think you should season a pasta with alcohol. Its a waste of good drink.

I did go out and buy 2 computer games that were on sale, and a brilliantly designed scientific calculator. Me being me, I had to buy the most expensive model, but it was only an additional $10.00 from the regular modal. I would have realised it was a lot of money if it were not for that darn exchange rate again.

But for the month of March, I really went all out. I had a pair of black slacks made, I bought a sports jacket for spring (I love it!). In a misguided attempt at exercise, I bought a tennis racket too. Will now go looking for shoes, except here, all sports shoes are called 'tennis shoes'. What's wrong with this country? They also have a wrong concept of football, badminton players are considered homosexual, automobile racing requires either speeding down a straight road, challenging who can change gear better, or driving around a big circle a ridiculous number of times, the only thing exciting happening is the pit change, and the number one sport in the world, REAL football, is known as a sissy sport. This coming from a country who has all the best sporting channels, ESPN, Star Sports, Fox Sports America, Madison Square Garden Network, and Versus. You turn to any of those channels and what do you see? Surely not tennis or football, but golf, or old men fishing.

No joke! I mentioned the U.S. Open to my school tennis players and they had no idea what I was on about.

Oh yes, I had my haircut. In a display of capitalism at its finest, I was charged $13.00 by someone who had undoubtedly practiced sheering sheep for the hairdo I hide under a hat today.

Hat: $3.50. Best investment I ever made.

Well, now the amount of money I have left in my account totals $1525.00. Oh how am I going to last until the end of June? Of course, drastic measures need to be taken. I have already decided to switch my lunch of the fried cardboard offered by the school for something healthier and cheaper, a bottle of cream soda, costing $1.25. I have also started to buy foodstuffs on wholesale. Did you know they sell cup noodles and chocolate bars in packs of 50 here? Me neither!

I can feel my wallet getting fatter already. Or is it just me?

Weekends Again

2007-03-07T08:32:00.000+08:00

Sorry about the last post. I guess it was kinda bare, huh? Well, I think if there is nothing worth writing about, then it is better not to write anything. What to write about today? Hmmm..........

Well, if you may, allow me to talk about my weekend. I woke up at 11, and by 11.30 I had drunk seventeen cups of coffee, read and replied all my e-mails, then what? I had read all the new books I bought staying up late the last night, I consider morning TV shows to not be worth watching. Too many commercials. No sitcom can make up for the hours of subliminal messages the media plants in our minds. (I want that three-in-one potato peeler).

I got bored, so I went online to chat with a few same-minded individuals from back home, for about, 15 minutes, when of course by then, it was almost two in the morning over there. I wore a groove in the floor looking for some cookies or some sausages I had missed on my previous ten thousand excursions. I contemplated mounting an excavation of my left nostril. I even did my laundry, twice!

Against better judgement, I did try to go outside. I got the bicycle ready, my helmet adjusted, and I chose a nice light jacket. I opened the garage door, and a gust of wind almost blew me off my bike. I immediately rejected that notion when I noticed my teeth clattering. Exercise is a dumb notion anyway.

And that's the problem with boredom. Boredom makes you do stupid things. Like for example, reaching out to old acquaintances again. After about 7 seconds of conversation you will realise why you gave up communication with them in the first place. I know I did. Boredom does not drive you crazy, but it the little things you notice, because of boredom that drives you over the bend. Its the loose fibers on your sweatshirt, the bluntness of your pencils, the slight stain on the couch. Its that level on your favorite game that you know you could do better. Before you know it, its three in the morning, your eyes are bleeding, and the Playstation explodes.

And yet, there are people who say the weekends are too short. What on earth are they doing? Obviously not weekendish stuff, cause that's what I did, and I was praying for Monday to come. I feel like nothing worthwhile happens to me during the weekends. I wake up, I drink my coffee, I watch TV, I drool on the sofa.

After much contemplation I have decided to start losing weight. I grew concerned when I could not fit into two of the pants I had brought with me. So, if I want to wear them I will have to lose weight, or wear them under my butt and use my overhanging shirt tails to protect my modesty. So I have taken up tennis, going as far as buying a tennis racket. Nevertheless, the next time I post something here, I may have come back to my senses.

Till next time! Ken.

Photo Page 1

2007-03-05T09:55:00.000+08:00

Hey there everyone! Thanks for all those nice comments on the last post. Sorry I have not been writing much, taking sometime off. I thinnk its inportant to stop everything and just rest for a day or 2. Why not even just don't go to school? I'm not going to be able to focus well in school if I am stressed anyway, so its more of a case of retreat to advance. Well, thats my excuse anyway.

So, what have I been doing on my vacation from the online world? Well, mostly trying to fix my own internet so I can return to the online world! (I used to borrow the computer at home here, but not anymore, Yay!) To celebrate, (and it would be a lot easier for me), I will use this page as a photo page. I will ive this page the very sexy sounding name of "Photo Page 1". So, enjoy!

Badminton anyone?

Cold, grim, impregnable, dirty, cold, dead.

Look what i bought yesterday.

Speaking about my new outfit, fashion dictates that I may only wear it in spring-time, when such colours are acceptable. If you were as vain as I am, you would agree.

I'm just too lazy to sign off with a witty remark tonight. Sorry.

P.S. (Think of something funny).

Poetic Justice

2007-02-24T13:14:00.000+08:00

As you probably already know, it has been about 40 days since I arrived here in the United States of Americaland. So what have I learnt? Well, I have found that there are many things to hate about the U.S. I don't like what they call coffee, or food. I don't like the weather, and I'd rather have a vasectomy then live here. But are things any better back home? Well, I had some time to think about it, so I have written a poem about Malaysia. Forgive me in advance for the bad language, I needed sentences that rhymed, and I only had a day to work on it so, here goes:

My ode to the motherland

I was born here in a hospital,
I have lived here, in the capitol.

Kuala Lumpur is the place,
Where lies many tales.
A city of shopping,
A city of sales.

Shopping malls are everywhere,
Shopping's more then a phase.
You dress funny, people'll stare,
If they can see you through the haze.

The smoke chokes us, from the mountains to the sea,
"Whose to blame?" we ask, "Indonesia!" they say,
While local plantation companies say "Not me!",
For now, we may never see a clear blue day.

Traffic police booking, speeding cameras flashing,
Duck into the bus lane when nobody's looking.

Youngsters drive stupidly, thinking its funny.
While the rest of us drive slowly, In our old Nissan Sunny.

Still, its a safe country, But should you die, you are cremated.
Not by your loved ones, But by a law, deluded.

Freedom of speech is a gray topic,
For a population with many blogs.
Complaining about politics,
While the country's going to the dogs.

Property laws are strict,
Tearing down add-ons without registration.
Unless you are a State Counsellor,
Then all you'll get is a light damnation.

You pay taxes and what do you get?
Corrupt policemen and politicians, both in one set.

Women blamed for getting raped,
For wearing an overly seductive hat.
While the rapist walks free,
How f**ked up is that?

Local students dyeing their hair,
Orange! Green! anything but black.
More colours then the rainbow,
What's up with that?

We have satellite TV and that's out of sight!
But is all owned by one man, and that's just not right.

We have our own factories, our own motor industry,
Whose products are cheap, with handling like a rattan basket.
Who would buy them? Who indeed? We will,
While the noose is being tightened by a protectionist market.

People complaining they don't have prime homes,
People who don't work, asking for more,
While you and me, the taxpayers pay more and more,
How can we not feel sore?

A proud nation! A powerful nation!
Nobody thinks so but a true Malaysian.

We don't have bird flu, and that's not too bad,
But we do have dengue, and that's just so sad.

To those who are new,
Who are making this your home.
Shut up and listen!
Please consider this tome.

Singapore is the greatest, Singapore's the best.
From Changi in the east, to Tuas in the west.

Go there instead, and leave us alone.
We're crap, we know it. We stink to the bone.
The country is wounded, not all is well,
The bandage is failing, its starting to swell.

But I have no complaints, disconsider this poem.
For all of its faults, it still is my home.

Malaysia.

Re: Questions

2007-02-21T07:31:00.000+08:00

Thanks for that very well-thought out e-mail. Yes I do consider you as a friend. Below are the answers to your questions.

My legal name is Ken Ming Wong. Yes it is a weird name, but if you compare it to the names of some of my friends here and back in Malaysia, it really isn't that strange after all.
Like you, I am from Malaysia, the land of bad drivers, and worse cars. Currently I am on a student exchange program sponsored by the American Field Service to the United States. I have been on this program since the middle of January and will be leaving come late June.
No I did not pay for this trip. AFS does provide several free programs similar to the one I'm on. Nevertheless, I do have to pay for things here, and because of the exchange rate, I do find myself overspending.
Well, the application process did stretch on for several months. It started when I approached my school's counsellor for information regarding any foreign exchange programs. I then filled out a form and sent it in. I then received an invitation to go for an interview, before which I had to fill out 3 more forms in triplicate and send it in. I was then informed that I had to go to another interview, but only having filled out more forms. At last, just before I sat for my SPM, I received word that I was to be one of the 38 people from Malaysia who will be going on this trip. Unfortunately, they would only let me go after I had filled out a few more pieces of paper and apply for my American visa. I swear, these people know more about me now then my parents do.
Of course it was worth it! Besides giving me the perfect pickup line for the month before I was due to leave, I have learnt much about life skills during my stay here. I now know that not all that is brown is coffee, not all that is green is healthy, and not all people are friendly. Life lessons that will only be beneficial in future.
Yes, I do have an English name, its Brandon. How did I choose this name, well that is a secret. He he.
Well, yes and no. school is different, and yet very similar. I still have to wake up at 6am to get to school and I usually reach home at around 4.30-5.00pm, but this is because of distance. School starts at 8am and ends, like most schools here, at 3pm. But there are 3 kind of days here. Mondays are called 'cram days', where we have all 8 classes we signed up for, Tuesdays and Thursdays are 'Odd days' and we would have 4 subjects, and Wednesdays and Fridays are 'Even days', containing 3 classes plus study-hall. It becomes easy to understand after a week or 2.
School is fun here. I have made many friends, I joined a few activities, for example choir. People are generally friendly to me, saying hi, as opposed to punching me in the face. Yes, I am quite happy.
The weather here has been terrible to me lately but things are warming up now. Snow is not as fun as you think. Its usually gray, its wet, and its cold. However, spring has been showing its face lately. I even went cycling yesterday. Stepped in goose shit. Will stay indoors from now on.
I suppose things are quite expensive here. Generally electronics are cheaper back home in Boleh-land, but I think there are more variety here. Except when it comes to hand phones and computers. nobody I met has heard of Lenovo or Acer, or Sony Ericsson K750. I caused quite a stir when I whipped out my phone after school to check for messages recently. Of course they won't tell you this, but I'm sure they were impressed.
The Nintendo DS far outsells the Sony PSP here. Most of my friends have the DS. I'm one of the few with a PSP.
Well, I don't see how this question is relevant, but yes I do type fast. Why? Do you see a few mistakes in my e-mails? In fact, typing this reply to you took me about 30 minutes, and I may use it as a post on my blog!

Ken.

Thorns in My Side-Part 1

2007-02-15T09:00:00.000+08:00

Its February 14. Over here this date represents the most commercialized day in the English calender. I am of course referring to Valentine's day. This is a day with absolutely no purpose, other then another reason for candy and flower shops to jack up the prices and call it a sale. Its not even a holiday for christsake. If you need to wait for a special day of the year to buy chocolates for your loved one, chances are, you don't deserve him/her.

I did not enjoy myself today. Firstly, it was the coldest day I ever experienced since i arrived here. the snow was ridiculously thick. And it was windy. And it was wet. I came home having caught pneumonia. Actually, it was a sort of cancerous leprosy and bird flu, with a light dusting of the Ebola virus. If I had went to a laboratory that day, scientists would have agreed I was the sickest man to have not died yet.

Nevertheless, I had to go to school. I had to see this act of modern-day capitalism in motion. So, I went out into the arctic wind, with my sticky out nipples, walking from the outdoor parking lot to the school building. the snow itself is evidence that global warming is stuff of fiction, and should not be believed. Climate change, my bottom.

But there is something worse then Valentines day. Its the curse of modern day communication. Of course, I'm talking about text messaging. More to the point, the language used in modern day Instant Messaging. not only that, it being used in chat rooms the world over. How is it that the word "today" has the number 2 in it. Or the word "great", has an 8?

Txt Spk is on my list of "The Most Hateful Things in Modern Society". The problem is this teenage language is being carried on into the written language. Despite numerous campaigns launched against the use of txt spk, over a hundred thousand SMSs is sent everyday around the world.

That means this language is here to stay. That means, our English language will continue to be raped in this way. And that means, I will continue to see in chat windows, "2day I wnt 2 c doc who sd my bld prssur ws gr8".

Please don't use text speak. Please write as the dictionary says we should. Unlike what the teenage population has led us to believe, proper English has not become overr8ed.

Parties are the Wart on the Face of Civilization

2007-02-12T01:29:00.000+08:00

How would life be if parties had never been invented? Tents would only be used by Boy Scouts. There would be no such thing as disposable cutlery. You would have never heard an amateur speech. We as human beings, are not even programed to enjoy parties. When we were young, our parents took us to whatever open house event hosted by their friends in the next county, where they would get drunk and have a good time, and their kids, sit in the TV room, watching re-runs of a Disney movie, in total silence.

I speak of parties because I just went to my new school's Winter Formal yesterday. It was a low-budget affair, held in the school cafeteria, with water from the tap and cookies. Many people had the sense not to show up, merely buying tickets (which were just receipts), to shake off the inevitable teasing from their friends, to only not arrive, stating some improbable excuse. I know I did. But in a brief lapse of good judgement, I donned my suit and went.

Speaking of my suit. Its dark blue, and was tailor-made for my body circa-December 2005. I have, unfortunately, put on a few tons since then. The zip of my pants, (which was a perfect fit back then) flared so obviously I wore my vest to disguise it. But putting on the pants was easy compared to buttoning up the last button on my shirt, which came with the suit. I have built a viewing platform 3 feet above the ground using only wood, bamboo, and rope, and it was a far sight easier and faster then putting in that last button. I could have gone tie-less, but me, being vain, wanted to hide my 7 chins.

I do admit though, I did look good after everything was on me, but only in dim light. While squinting through the darkness, you can see I have broad shoulders, and a nice abdomen. This effect was caused by the vest I was wearing, which acted as a shiny black corset, forcing my stomach in and my chest outwards. Breathing, much less sitting down, became a chore. Nevertheless, wearing the vest was necessary in order not to look like a 10 pound meatball, stuffed into a 5 pound bag. A 10 pound sausage stuffed into a 5 pound bag looks better.

I arrived on time, Malaysian time, (20 minutes late), to find nobody I could recognize. Those who did know who I was, I do not, for the life of me, know their names. Had a cup of water and stood by the refreshments table desperately looking for a friend I could cling to. He arrived 20 minutes after I did. I just hung around those people, praying more of my friends would show up. None did. That says quite a bit about the type friends I managed to get, doesn't it? My house plants, for example like theirs, are alive, except I can't smoke any of them. (just kidding)

I found myself looking at my watch every 5 minutes hoping that 2 hours have past me by while I was drowning in the electric slide. (At least that's what I thought it was). I did dance a little, after some coaxing by my new friends. They were nice enough not to laugh as I attempted to bob my head to the beat, but after a while word got around, and nobody wanted to dance with me. That's how bad I was. Unfortunately, alcohol was banned from the dance, so I could not blame that. Neither will I be able to persuade my friends at school tomorrow, that it was the liqueur that they were seeing.

40 minutes before leaving time, I was all danced out. More and more people were leaving to go eat. The party was slowing. I wanted to go home. But I stuck to it. And I stayed. It was pretty much the same after that. Standing in the corner, drinking water, going to the restroom for the 15th time. It ended, I went home. It was not a bad night. I have had worse (see camping trip, 2002-2004). At least I was not stuck in a leaky tent while its was raining.

Don't worry. Be happy.

2007-02-10T23:07:00.000+08:00

Wow! My tenth post. I would never have thought I would be disciplined enough to write 10 posts (see both failed MSN blogs). But here I am, alive and well for the first time since I came to this crazy country (the well part. I have always been alive.) But recently, I'm finding it more and more difficult to write something. It would seem, I was designed to be able to write 9 good articles. I guess you could say, I'm no Tom Clancy, or Stanley Bing. Don't know who those 2 are? Look them up.

Now that I have a lot of free time here, I have become pensive. My non-hectic schedule and frequent trips to the toilet has given me time to think about my surroundings. More to the point, the world. I fear, we, as humans, will always be worried.

During the Stone Ages, I'm sure people were worried about finding shelter, food, fire. Today, the 3 biggest concerns for teenagers as researched by some census company are, (and I saw this on TV, so it must be true) cars, cellphones, and computers. Not exactly up there with the worries our ancestors had to face those billions of years ago, is it?

Humans have never stopped worrying. During the Middle Ages, I'm sure the plague and the possibility of roasting in hell for the rest of eternity kept people from sleeping well.After that was the great crusades between Islam and Christianity. Way before that was the threat of Roman invasion. Then there were the Huns, the Vandals, the Visigoths, and so many other tribes. Asia wasn't safe either. Numerous internal wars in China did not help the country. Famines almost ruined China. These are examples of real things to keep real people awake at night.

How is it now? We are constantly bombarded with reports that coca-cola will cause mushrooms to grow in your mouth, handphones will give you brain cancer, and genetically modified foods will invade your system and make you grow another leg. Now everyone is afraid of the clash between the pope and Muslim clerics, even though both religions ask for peace. Before this, was the fear a suicide bomber would walk up your driveway and become a thin Vermeer on your wall. Before that, was the Y2K crisis, where we were told that at the stroke of midnight, planes will start falling from the sky, ships would crash into Singapore, all our money in banks would disappear overnight, and civilization itself, as we know it, would come to an end. What happened at the stroke of midnight? absolutely nothing.

I blame the media for this. The media, a body which is supposed to report the news, has taken it upon themselves to predict the news as well. If they get it right, the news anchorman would present the 6 o'clock news with a smug grin, and a 'I-told-you-so' attitude. If they get it wrong, there will be no mention of that fact on TV.

This is the reason I do not believe the recent environmental observation in Paris, where people predicted the end of humanity because we are drowning in our own shit they call 'global warming'. I doubt this global warming. I agree that there is climate change. For example, the sky could be bluer. The rain, chocolaty? Why not? Admitted the amount of CO2 in the air is higher then ever before, but that's because there are more people, then ever before. The amount of CO2 produced by humans is only 3%. Maybe that's enough to cause global warming, but maybe its not. Nobody really knows. If you ask me, 3% is an awfully small number. I know this because I am a student, and I have exams.

Honestly, I feel that this climate change is caused by nature. There are now more trees on earth then ever before. So, its not that. Its a well known fact that there was global warming during the Medieval Time Optimum, otherwise known as the Medieval Warm Period, started in 800AD and it lasted for 600 years, long before the invention of the automobile, the Airbus, or even General Electric. After that was the time period known as, The Little Ice Age. If analysts made their observations and conclusions based on the difference between the temperatures now, and that Ice Age, of course it would show temperatures rising. See how studies can be manipulated? Oh by the way, the Little Ice Age ended just before the Industrial Revolution. So its only easy to blame industry. And that's what they do.

I know, this fear will not impact me, for I am cynical to everything in the world I don't like. I know in the end, this will drive us to spend billions worldwide to reduce emissions. And, I know, this measure will not work, as I know, we are just in a climate cycle, as proven above.

But I am concerned by the fact that we are scaring the young children with something that is still up for debate. We will just be creating a generation of tree-hugging hippies, who don't work, because they are too busy planting more trees. There is perpetual fear that the world would be flooded. Is this the environment we want our children to grow up in?

Well, if I'm right, this problem will fix itself after about 500 years. If I'm wrong, well, we would have colonised Mars by then, wouldn't we?

My CNY Greeting

2007-02-04T02:15:00.000+08:00

Its February. Is this Chinese New Year month? Nevermind. I just realised that I won't be home for this celebration. But apart from the angpows, and family, is that really a bad thing? What is this holiday to me? Other then bad parties, days of leftovers, and oh yes, all those greetings.

Don't you hate those greetings? Its bad enough you are forced to wish well the people you rather see lying in a pool of their own blood in a ditch somewhere, or the friends of friends of your parents whom you do not recognize. You, as a human of the 21 century, are expected to inform everyone in that ever expanding address book that they are to enjoy a prosperous New Year via electronics.

Because of technology, we have to send e-mails, e-cards, postcards, greetings. We seek out our friends online, on blogs, on Friendster, in chat rooms. If only the person who invented Instant Messaging had patented his invention, he would be earning trillions by now. No wait, he probably is already.

The worse part about all this, is the senders of the greetings are expecting a reply from you. Maybe just to show to their co-workers that they do have friends. Perhaps its ok to not make a reply if say you meet that person everyday in school/office, but how many of us meet our friends on a daily basis? All of them? Well, apart from George W. Bush who sees his one and only friend Dick Cheney everyday, but last time I checked, they were not chinese.

Meaningful? How difficult is it to type "Happy New Year" and send it to everyone in your mailbox? It wouldn't take me more then a minute. I might just do it on the last minute.

If you do receive a message that is truly fantastic, for heavens sake, don't forward it. Chances are, your friend who sent that greeting is also a friend of that friend you will be forwarding that too, and he/she would have received that greeting too. Much worse, your receiving friend is the one who originally composed that greeting. That would be embarrassing.

So here's my proposal for CNY 2007. Let's not send greetings this year. Lets not continue this ridiculous tradition. I say it ends now.

Electronic greetings: 1972- Febuary 3 2007.

My message will not go out by itself. Tell your friends! And those with support, leave a comment.

However, judging by the amount of trafic that this blog recieves, I predict another good quarter for the telecomunications companies.

My First Trip to the Dentist

2007-02-01T04:03:00.000+08:00

I gave school a miss today and I only awoke at 10am. It sounds lovely, doesn't it? Most of my school friends would agree with me. Unfortunately there was a reason for me to give school a miss today. I had a swelling in my mouth on my lower left jaw, and I had to go to the dentist.

There were ominous signs that the day would not be a good one. For starters, it was snowing. Heavily. My alarm clock failed to ring. I couldn't find my bottle of painkillers after I woke up. Then, on the road, it would seem that every traffic light we came across was red. The trip took an agonizing 20 minutes which could have been 2 decades to me.

Finally when we arrived at the dentist's office, we had to do something I was very strongly against. Trudge through the snow to the front door of the building. I was against it at first, but thinking about the pain in my mouth, which could very well be a mouth tumour, I grudgingly walked through that white hell.

There was, of course paperwork to fill out, as it would be my first time at that dentist. I noticed there was a huge playpen and computers with games for toddlers. I was thinking, "Wow! They really go to great lengths to ensure their patients children are well taken cared of and entertained while their mommy or daddy was having their teeth checked." But then I noticed, while the chairs were big enough for adults, they were only 2 feet tall. And there were pictures of smiling dinosaurs on the chairs. And on the walls. And on the carpet.

It was only after I came across a particularly difficult question, however, did I truly realise where I have been taken to. the questions were, "Would the patient resist treatment," and "When did was the patient last breastfeed/bottle".

"You took me to a pediatrician?!" I exclaimed, loudly.

It was then I was told that everyone here goes to a pediatrician until they were 18 years old. So, although I was 17 and-a-half, I had to go see a kiddy dentist.

Its so much different from back home. My dentist sees everyone. He gave me my first checkup, and a few months ago, put in 4 gold teeth into my grandma's mouth. Best of all, my dentist is an old friends of my dad's, and was very kind to me.

So I was brought to the X-ray machine, which was pretty impressive, then brought to the dentist's office, which was decorated with more dinosaurs. There was a flat screen TV that could be tilted above the dentist's chair, puzzle games on a low shelf, and another one of those short chairs in the corner. Other then that, it was a pretty unimpressive office. My dentist back home has a more modern office. At least he has stopped using the little mirror, and brought in a mini video camera.

I contemplated my situation as I stared out of the 3rd storey window with a magnificent view of the parking lot. The nurse came in and offered to turn on "Spongebob Squarepants" for me. I gave her one of those looks that said "I know you are joking with me, and I don't like it," and she gave me the look that went, "I know."

Worse was to come, however when my foster mom came in to wait with me. She kept on joking about my situation which on a regular day, I would laugh together and agree, but on a day when I am not on painkillers? People better get out of my way.

As is the custom here, the dentist kept me waiting for half an hour before showing up without so much as a sorry. The problem with pediatricians are that they are so used to working with a child, they no longer are able to speak in a way that is acceptable to ordinary people. I just sat there and mumbled "uhuh", as it is not easy to argue when someone is poking around my mouth, checking the areas that don't merit checking. I just wanted to scream, "I know I have an infection, would you quickly look at it, agree with me, and give me something to cure it, please." but instead I just said, "Really?"

Well that's all done. I'm at home now. the painkillers are starting to kick in. I feel sleepy. I wonder if I could skip school another day?

My aspirations for 2007

2007-01-31T10:55:00.000+08:00

One month down the line, most of us have already started college. Others now have part time jobs. I think we can predict whats in store for us in 2007 based on our experiences in the first month. So;

May your train or bus arrive on time, and may you enter to find a comfortable seat devoid of chewing gum, snoring neighbours, or under a strong air conditioning vent that ruins your hairstyle. If you are fortunate enough to have a car, may you never encounter a traffic jam, and may you never stumble upon maniacal drivers who think its cool to drive around in a ridiculously modified hatchback with a loud stereo, exhausts from a space ship, and 3 big spoilers. If you have have such a car, may you come to your senses soon.
May you always find a parking space on your first or second go around. May that parking spot be near the entrance/exit, and may your car stay safe from thieves, vandals, or a leaking pipe carrying waste.
May your cellphone never run out of power when you are outside your house, and may the reception remain clear forever.
May all your classes/jobs be interesting to you even if it does not interest others.
May you get away with all the mistakes you will make in moments of anger, drunkenness, insanity, carelessness, or just plain stupidity. Even if you do get caught, may you be wise enough to keep your mouth shut until a friend comes along to testify that you were in fact on the other side of town when that mistake occurred.
May you watch all your favorite shows on satellite TV without disturbances from bad weather, dust on your satellite dish, irritating siblings, or phone calls from people you rarely call and once you talk to them for 15 seconds, you realize why you never did. May your mom never decide to vacuum the living room when "The Simpsons" are on.
May your religious holidays, seaside vacations, and party weekends not be ruined by rain and is preserved through out the year no matter how miserly your college/boss is at giving holidays.
May you have the opportunity to spend time with your family, friends, potential friends, former enemies, or just yourself, laying in front of the TV, watching re-runs of Fear Factor.
May you be invited to every birthday party, BBQ, or social gathering in which you have a professional or personal interest. May you never be called upon to sing karaoke at those events, unless you wish to. May your next day hangovers end before lunchtime.
May your 2007 be as good as you deserve it to be. No wait, better then what you deserve.

I will end this post with a phrase I have learnt while in the USA.

You have a good one, ya hear?

Stereotypes in America

2007-01-30T12:13:00.000+08:00

Before we continue, I'm afraid I have bad news. the other day I stepped on the scale in the bathroom and it turns out I am 1**lbs. Now this confused me, as me coming from Malaysia, I can only estimate things using the metric system. Nevertheless, when I gave my weight to my cousin, who is currently in medical school, he told me that I have gained 5 kilos in my 3 week stay here in the United States. 5 KILOS! Its amazing I am not needing a heart pump as I am typing this. Can you imagine! 5 KILOS! That's a third of the weight of my luggage I brought here, and I tell you, I'm pretty sure I did not eat 1/3rd of my clothes. 5 kilos. That could mean the difference between being a marathon runner, and having a stroke. I need to go on a diet. Maybe I'll change my daily 7-UP to a diet Pepsi, and we will see how things turn out.

On with your regularly scheduled programs

The 5 stereotypes that have been crushed:

The people are segregated.
People are not friendly, and will not talk to you.
People from other factions don't interact with one another.
Black people fight with the white people.
Seniors pick on juniors.

All of the above are untrue. As much as I have been told of the chasm between the blacks and the whites, I have never seen it happen. Never. I have been to school for the 3rd week now, and everyone talks freely among each other naturally. Kinda reminds me of old alma mater, Victoria Institution.

Despite the numerous occasions in which I have been told that I have to be the one to make contact with people, as it is an accepted fact that most people will not approach you to be friends, I have already had half the senior year come up to me to say hi. Many still do today. I have never approached anybody, and quite frankly, the uncalled for warnings before departure did nothing but scare me into seriously not going to school on my first day, purely out of fright. I probably have over 30 people whom I am on friendly terms with now, and I can proudly say, I remember almost half of their names.

Contrary to how an American high school is portrayed in movies, there to be many cliques, these just are not available in my school. What jocks? What nerds? What skaters? No such thing.

Another thing that really amazed me was the relationship between the senior classes and the freshmen and the sophomore class. Unlike back in Malaysia, where the 'juniors' get picked on for being younger, this sort of thing is almost unheard of in my school. I found out this fact when I was watching my fitness class, (which is mixed between the seniors and the juniors), fooling around on the basketball court. Never have I seen such a friendly bunch of people. they readily passed the ball to the smaller students without hesitation. They spoke words of encouragement to each other if anyone missed a shot, they cheered when anyone scored a basket. It was an inspiring sight. Amazing! I my old school, the seniors would only talk to the juniors when they needed money, and cheered them on in games if they have money betted on them. Threats were usually involved. the only recorded time of the seniors listening to the juniors would be after the police arrive, once the junior boy was fling through a second story window.

Although I have sworn to never talk about my life, deeming it to be an example of vanity, I simply had to tell everyone that all the pre conseptions I had, that some of you may share, are completely false.

To my co-workers, who are also putting their lives on the line in the spirit of good diplomacy who are experiencing a different situation then what I'm going through, I say this;

Sucks that you aren't in the Midwest, doesn't it?

Maybe I Don't Hate Snow After All

2007-01-30T11:36:00.000+08:00

You may remember my last post, when I briefly mentioned my ongoing feud with snow. The white menace has been a cold, disturbing thorn in my side. Nevertheless, I am actually looking forward to it snowing this weekend. The answer is stunningly obvious. It can be summed up in one word. That word is snowballs.

There may be nothing more satisfying then taking an enemy, like snow, and turning it into a weapon that is to be unleashed on those smaller and weaker then me. As stated in the Art of War, turn ones adversaries against one another. (OK, I made that up). But history has shown otherwise:

Before one duke invaded another state in ancient China, the duke printed up a list of several high-ranking ministers in the enemy's court. He stated that these people were working for him, and that they would bring him victory. The opposing duke sentenced those officials who were on the list to death, thus sealing his own ruin, as those men were the people who were running the country. that state fell as the first state invaded it.

But enough about the boring historical facts, the point is, never to dirty ones fingernails in a protracted battle with an adversary who is as strong, or stronger then you. That's my philosophy. (No not really).

The truth is, I am completely out of things to write at this point. I could write about my time here, my eminent waltz lessons starting next month, the 2 birthday parties I am invited to, the new gray business suit I just bought, or the fact that I am having a wonderful time here and I surrounded by many wonderful people, but that would just be boasting. But its true. I'm having the time of my life here, and I hope the time to return will never come.

Its a pity about the weather though.

Wonderful Snow? Hah!

2007-01-17T11:45:00.000+08:00

I added another item to my hate list today. There was no elaborate ceremony. It just occurred, in the moment. Here's how it happened:

I went to school today. I was wearing a long sleeves shirt with a sweater. I went to get my timetable. And I made chorale, which seems to be Advanced choir. everyone sang like angels. The students there then took me to lunch. They have Dominos pizza there! That's cool.

So far, it may seem like I'm having a wonderful time. Yes, I am. Nevertheless, behind his exterior of friendly people, interesting classes and good food, there lies a powerful nemesis that reeked havoc with my person. It was the weather.

Coming from a tropical country, I have never experienced snow before. Like the fool I am, I did not really protect myself from the cold. I now am ill. Because of the dryness of the air, my throat is now sore and my nose is bleeding half the time. Its not easy trying to sing with the Niagara Falls up your left nostril.

I expected snow to be a little different. I thought snnow would be white and pretty and soft. It certainly does not look like the postcards I have seen. Its usually frozen, messy from the tyre tracks and brown. None of my photos will have any snow in it. Its just plain ugly.

Although I am much better now, I know, that outside the warmth and comfort of the home, it waits for me and if it has the chance, it will kill me. That is why it has made my hate list.

What are the other things on my list? Well they are, smokers, male chauvinists, environmentalists, and my own humanity. I hate all those things.

Bad Service? We Expect it.

2007-01-04T17:22:00.000+08:00

Today is a momentous day for my blog. Today's article will be about what I did today. Most people use blogs as an online diary, a place where they can tell the world what they had for lunch today, or how many times they went to the toilet. At first I had not planned to write little, if anything that gives you, the readers of this blog, a clue to my lifestyle. I try to maintain slight bit of mystery about me. That ends today.

I went back to my old school today. It was smaller then I remembered it. Maybe. I can't remember. I got too drunk during my after school's parties I wouldn't recall the class I was in, much less the table I sat at. Luckily, my friend Vincent, who manages to remain much more sober then me, was also at school that day. With his help, I found the staff room and such.

Talking to teachers is easier now. The shadow of authority that used to enshroud them like a protective cover against the uneducated masses; (me and you), was now non-existent. To my surprise, two of my friends, (I'd like to call them that), are now student teachers, waiting for their STPM results. Perhaps they had forgotten how they were like two years ago. I wish them luck. They will need it.

But now, I'm drifting. So anyway, Me and my friend went to Megamall for lunch. We took the LRT from Hang Tuah to Bandaraya station. We then took a KTM train to Megamall.

One thing about our local trains. They are too mind-bogglingly slow. The only reason the Japanese Imperial Army stole our bikes on the way from Thailand is, if they had taken a train from Perlis to Singapore, they would only get as far as Batu Gajah by the time the Americans bombed Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Through their spies, they knew that cycling 500km on old trunk roads would be faster then taking our trains.

We went to Chili's in Megamall for lunch. for anyone who has been there when you were young, you can notice a huge difference. The quality of the service.

When you came with your parents, you were treated like royalty. There would be someone smiling to open the door for you, another smile as you are guided to a table, a smile as you got your menu, and finally they waited on your table as you decided what to order.

If you are a teenager and you go to a steak house, you are going to receive bad service. It doesn't matter if you were the heir to the Genting fortune, or Crown Prince of Chekhajerbainistan. Waiters won't trust you to pay for your their services because you are an untrustworthy teenager.

I had to open the door myself, someone pointed to an empty table and we got our menus as we were walking in. It was not peak hour either. Thanks to the efficiency of the local train service, we arrived at the restaurant at 2.37pm. Hardly a busy time. Our order did not even merit writing on a proper order slip. I was written on the back of the order book, on the brown paper.

Even after I gave the internationally recognised 15% tip, (a sizable amount as the meal for two had cost RM136.45), no one batted an eyelid. The door was half-opened by a busboy who merely mumbled a "thank you for coming", before closing the door on my back.

The thing is, I know they are capable of so much more, as I had come here before with my parents. If you are a working adult in your mid-twenties, they treat you as if you were about to buy every waiter a new car. If you are a teenager, they everyone thinks you are about to rob the place, burn it down, then pee on the ruins. Its appalling.

Why all this distrust? In my opinion, It began with that boy who yelled wolf.

By bringing the entire village, who were all made up by adults, come running to him as a prank, he has betrayed our kind.

Now all people has an unfounded bias towards teenagers. Adults must know that not all teenagers are money-grubbing no-good, hip-hoppers, gang-banging, donkeys that should all be in prison. The time to change is now.

When was the last time you had bad service because you were young? How many sales clerks has fawned over your parents who were buying a gift for you while completely ignoring you? Its time to stand up for our rights, as consumers with money. It may be our parents money, but the people in sales should know that its us who spend it. Should you recieve bad service, just walk away. The sales assistants should know that they had failed to close a sale that day, and change their habits.

It won't happen overnight, but I dream for a day when both parents and children be treated as equal customers. For now, I'll just dress older and bore my guests about talk of 12% interest rate per annum, and tip toe should I need help in a purchase.

P.S. : You may recall in my last post, I was not going to post anything today. Well, I lied. And you know, as a teenager, I can't be trusted.

Exercise? Me? I'll give it a shot.

2007-01-03T20:38:00.000+08:00

I am not fat. I just have big bones. Exercise is a foreign word to me. I know jogging equals cardiac arrest. All things considered, I am not the best cantidate for a job protecting the country by way of the army. You can imagine my happiness then, when I found out I wasn't chosen to undergo the 3 months of physical torture known as National Service.

No wait. You couldn't possibly imagine it. Think of a guy who just became a grandfather, found a piccasso in his store room, and won the lottery, and you would only see half the happiness I experienced on the day the long list of unfortunate victims appeared in the newspaper.

Most of my friends will know my anti-exercise point of view. Thus I thought my parents were joking when they told me they had got me a gym membership. A very sick and twisted sense of humour they have. I was desperately trying not to luagh when they explained I had to go at least twice a week. Even the biting of huge chunks of cheek did not stop me from bursting into laughter when they told me I should go there at 8am to beat the crowds. Only the cold look only parents can give silenced me.

I suppose it was a thoughtful gift. I understand the hidden message completely. So I went. I survived an hour and a half in the gym. It ended when I had a stroke.

I do admit, I did have fun somewhat, right up to that heart attack. The cold shower afterwards was probably as close to heaven on earth in my opinion. Pushing myself to make that one more lift, then doing it, was great. I'm no adrenaline junkie, but you could get addicted to it.

Thats why tomorrow, I will not be posting an entry on my blog. I am going to the gym.

Goodbye 2006!

2007-01-02T22:54:00.000+08:00

Wow! The new year is here.

It was just yesterday that both the American and Malaysian stock exchanges broke records. Coups were launched in the Phillipines and in Thailand. Bird flu came back then went away again. The never ending war in the middle east flared up then died down. Italy and the US both gained new governments. 3 techno nerds gained $1.65 billion. Warren Buffet gave away countless more billions. A pope was lost and gained. The president of Iran showed his stripes. George W Bush lost his stripes. We were named the persons of the year. We all aged a year.

Perhaps as the new year begins, its time to take stock. Time to forget the old, get the new.

Thus here is the report for my financial year ending 1 January 2007.

Life has been gaining a lot of just plain stuff, or doodads that make life more liveable. Operations that accually generate cashflow however, were not added to.

External building has seen expanding rapidly, expecially around the middrift. Physical structure has lost the shine and the glow seen in the previous year. Admited, 2005 was a boom year in the social calender. Free time created by misconseption that being in Form 4 means you don't have to work hard created much in terms of shareholder value has caused much depreciation in the firm's stock price in the year 2006, primarily because of SPM.

In terms of management, the governing body has matured, not just caused by a penchant for white wine. For the first 2 quarters of 2007, management and primary operations will be relocated to the United States. Although the move is highly risky, the long term gains will hopefully make up for any early loss.

Below are the major changes to day-to-day operations that have been carried out:

This firm has seen an increase in the reading of comic books. Mainly stupid ones with BOOOOOM and KERPLOOOW. Comics were bought at the magazine stall, browsing over the Far Eastern Economic Review. Is this cause for concern?
I can now fry anything reasonably well except fish. But as you know, fish is the only thing that matters.
I bought many books. Read a few of them too.
I lost money gambling on the World Cup. Swore to never bet again. I then bet with a friend how long I can keep that bet. Failing to see the irony at first, I lost that bet as well.

Well goodbye 2006. It has been fun. I'm gonna miss you.